Exercises. I feel guilty, I feel offended ...
Let the notation exercises appropriate method of data collection. Write down or ask the participants learned to write their answers to questions regarding feelings of guilt and resentment caused by the relationship with their parents or associated with certain events in the home, from childhood to fly today.
Select category:
1. I feel guilt ... (A)
2. They feel offended (A ').
3. They feel guilty (B).
4. I feel offended (B1). ,
It would be particularly interesting if the experiment participants, continuing the proposals, pointed out specific examples. Compare, whether other categories of A and A ', B and B', that is, whether, for example, the guilt the child a sense of resentment parents (even the one that describes only the child with his point of view). Notwithstanding the age of the subject, just ask him about the relationship with his parents, not children.
Not davite to interlocutors, not forcing them to respond. Tell you that they do want you to talk about it. Enough, if someone says that a sense of guilt for not helping their parents financially, and that feels wrong, do not receive financial assistance from their parents ... Specific details are not so important, focus on the quality of contact, the feelings, decisions, plans, support, autonomy, care and assistance ... Zaverte interlocutors in his ability to keep others' secrets.
At the end ask them to evaluate the effect of these feelings on the 10-point scale (eg, my guilt is 6 points out of 10 possible, and resentment of parents -4 out of 10).
While mutual guilt is deeply destructive, it is present in the relations "parent - child". Interestingly, if you get people who claim that such problems in their relationship with their parents are not available.
Keep in mind that:
feelings of guilt and resentment can be replaced by a constructive sense of responsibility for the quality of our relationships with family and friends. "Once the imagination, and go away feeling resentment; fix grievance - and hurt itself disappears" (Marcus Aurelius).
I think you are tired the last few exercises, full of emotions ... Therefore I suggest to you an interesting presentation.
Exercises. Let us poplachem on the role of the perfect child
Go sit back, relax and rest, listen to his breathing (try to focus on the fragile image of the beach waves);
focus on the heartbeat (provide approximately ticking wall clock);
feel the coolness in the forehead (try to imagine a light cool breeze caress person) focus on the sensation of heat in the solar plexus (imagine that beam of sunlight falling on your stomach); feel themselves safe, lazy and pleasure logged.
Imagine that you go into the forest with hammocks under his arm, and gossip from the hammock krupnoyacheistoy nets. You hang the hammock between two strong trees. Warm. You go into the hammock in the penumbra. He starts to wiggle around. Imagine now what a wonderful child of his parents, you could be ... Imagine that you fully implement all their expectations, that they are immensely proud of you, their desires and ambitions are fully satisfied ... You always treat them with warmth and affection that surround them care and attention ...
I now clearly recognize that this will never be. It is not possible, you are not ideal. You do not just offense, and will have to face about their actions ...
If you can imagine pomassiruyte chin, circular movements of fingers give it a rub the lower jaw ...
Say aloud: "Mom and Dad, I'm not a perfect child, he was not and never will ..."
If you succeed, try something croon, can purr, make other sounds ... Poplachte, it will be useful ... Let your tears drip through the cells of the hammock to the ground ... Weep for a long time ... The more tears, the more you stay in for the other senses ...
Embracing a ... Let me not be ideal, and if it will comfort you - realize that they too were not perfect with respect to their parents, and so it goes from the beginning.
You can go to sleep. Well, that someone close was near. But do not talk about anything related to exercise, immediately after his graduation. Let it all perebolit "in you. You decide when the right time to talk ...
And now - a parable about forgiveness ...
Have you ever thought about something that is forgiven? This denial of compensation for the grievances received. It is very difficult to decide on such a gesture - to deprive a secret
pleasure from the fact that someone in our debt. Do not know how we accept others' apology. If someone apologizes to you, you are likely to reply to him: "Nothing
terrible nonsense, no problem, "which actually means: you are not yet ready to
forgive. You nurse a grievance. You save this sense of how the money in a bank account or
as a bill, hoping to use them in the future. And all this is your burden,
deprived of liberty, relaxedness. Above you tend past, you see everything through the prism of the wounds and scars.
You should be able to accept an apology, to say how much we wounded happened, the pain we feel ... Listen to everything that will be able to tell us culprit, with respect to him and the knowledge that we are both interested in maintaining contact. If you're guilty, you will also need to ensure that you listened. If your relationship ended, does not take away from a stone for the sinus. Dismiss, without resentment. However, this proposal is not suitable for relationships with parents. Old scars and fresh wounds heals forgiveness, understood as a complete rejection of any form of remuneration. Only it gives freedom. But requires more maturity and greater love. I wish her luck!
I now need a story about an invisible umbilical cord.
Do you know anything about the biological relationship between mothers and their children? About how even weak emotional feeling is reflected in the psyche of another human being?
EXAMPLES.
A headache, insomnia, and even in the early years ... stomach upset child transmission mother. However, cough, fever mechemsya in together duemsya to pot, together at a first day at school, and later - the final exams and the first erotic experience. Often, we are ready to bring up our baby, even ... in forty years.
We have an invisible umbilical cord, and more, so it is dangerous. We remain united bicipital body, the person without personality.
Comes time to stand on its own feet, while maintaining the ability to close and warm relations with people. You are not the third leg of her mom, a mom - not a part of your body. Pererezhte cord. And can meet and love each other.
Exercises. How do I change the quality of communication.
The family - a place where we learn to realize their personal potential, and everyone should help in this together. We are free and mutually close. We are departing from a single slot. We vem a new nest. We help each other fly. Rejoice in our successes. Proud when someone from our nest vzvivaetsya high, and not out of envy of his presses to the ground, because it does not help ourselves to rise above. Previously, our food, but now we know how to produce food. But before the end of days, we look forward to each other - here we can get warm, relax, gain strength, share joy and sorrow. |
Can you think in this way the Father of his house? Try it. It is not too late to make even
if it no longer exists. And now it's time for the parable of the parting
This is a sad parable. It is an empty nest. Sol Bellou writes: "Man is born to become an orphan, and orphans left behind."
I finish the lesson, leaving you a message to your parents and your own as a parent. These words are addressed to all parents of Adam and Eve and to skonchaniya centuries.
The famous poet Khalil Gibran in "The Prophet" says:
"Your children - not yours.
They are the sons and daughters of life.
They are born thanks to you, but not from you.
And staying with you, you do not belong.
You can become like them, but do not try,
that they likened to you ...
You bows from which your children are released, as living arrows.
Archer sees a goal on the way to eternity and
nock its power
To his pomchalis arrows quickly and far.
Let palm Archer will fill you with joy.
For anyone who loves flying boom,
no less appreciative stillness of onions. "
Separation associated with the creation of a new home - the birth of a married family, of course, expected, even the standard in our culture. Considered acceptable and the departure from home to start a separate, albeit lonely life. Tragically, children leave the nest, when dying, how would zacherkivaya all that is true and reliable ...
It is difficult to take care of parents who have yet to learn to fly, and can even bring up ... It pokorezheny role of children of parents who ever went to submit the new nest, and then, or someone replaces them, or after everything else ...
My dear, no matter how the movie started on your life, the tape still has free space. All in your hands. Remove the miracle!
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