Under the "ties" I understand the invisible threads, formed from the moment of your birth. Thanks to your reactions, they continue to link you with people who are authority figures to you throughout your life: parents, grandparents, older siblings, relatives, children, babysitters, neighbors, teachers, etc. The reluctance recognize these threads leads to a protracted bonds, which continue to hold your attachment to these people and situations.
Try to remember your childhood from birth to seven years and think about those who were close enough to you to have an impact on your very existence. Infants and young children are living according to their instincts. What they say and what they learn from experience, they take just a fact. But although they dominated by instinct, they make conscious decisions about everything happening around.
The first conscious decision in your life - even though you do not remember - was the choice of your parents. By choosing them you took and loved them for what they were. But even so, since the birth you wanted to change some features of their behavior, which are directly related to you. Any failure of attitude creates a "thread".
This invisible link that always exists between yourself and your parents is the cause of internal stimuli. It always reminds you: you are exactly repeat what you did not like your parents. It is fair to all whom you ever had to condemn.
Here are a few examples. Suppose your father had been a closed person. He did not speak their mind, never expressed his feelings and did not like to communicate with other people. You rarely spoke to him, and he never told you that he loves you. Without taking such behavior, you're disappointed.
Break your own behavior now: you are open to people openly express their thoughts and feelings - or are you saying what others want to hear? If you do not take the behavior of his father, you're likely to find that behave exactly the same way as he behaved.
Your mother was a domineering woman who took care of you too much, always invading your space? She always gave you unwanted advice and taught you to live? If you find this intolerable, unacceptable, drawing attention to his behavior now. If you have any doubts as to how others interpret your behavior, ask them. Most likely, they will tell you that you are "exactly like your mother!"
If you refused to recognize the authority of their parents, now you're going to inherit them. You can express it differently, and yet so be it.
If you are unable to accept that someone of your parents were too submissive, carefully look at yourself: When you do something, you're doing this because obliged to do, or because you want to do this?
Your mother is overly worried about purity? How do you feel about untidiness and disorder? Obviously, the same way.
Familiar with these examples, you may remember something that you do not take in his mother and can not find any trace of their current facilities.
"I am - the exact opposite!" - You say. Obviously, you put so much effort into something to be the opposite of his mother, that it will not let you express your own personality. Whether you are repeating their mother or agreed to be its complete opposite, you continue to respond and carry his load. When you're struggling to be like her mother, a thread break even more difficult than when you are just like her.
As long as you continue to respond to the behavior of those who have provided for your influence, you will not get the necessary freedom to pursue their own goals. Your perception will always be clouded past, and you will repeat the same mistakes again and again.
The hardest thing to accept a situation where there is violence. If you are a victim of any kind of violence, it is essential to your development that you allow it in your heart. If you do not recognize and do not get over the anger that you feel about this, and his inability to forgive, in the worst possible time to discover that everything is already at the surface and is ready to break out. I'm sure you worked diligently over the years in order to keep it all inside, but the internal struggle will continue for as long as you do not knowingly'll tear bond.
Everything that you could not let go of his past, has a tendency to pop up again and again in your life today. Look around and look at those who have filled your life. Is their behavior is something that annoys you? This annoys you because it is exactly what you need to know about yourself. As soon as you admit it and will you take, it will no longer annoy you. Break the connection - and you tear the circle!
Eventually you learn to love others, despite the indifference, violence, excessive desire to patronize or rejection, because you learn to see the fear that conceal their actions. If you, for example, felt that was born as a result of unwanted pregnancy, you could be born a sense of rejection, which you through life and that manifests itself in all its spheres.
Tear off the thread - free yourself to be who you really are, and leave yourself the opportunity to grow. When tear this link, your development will be quickly and easily.
If you have kids, paying attention to their attitude towards them. Have you noticed that often scolded them, make comments or punish? You resorted to brutal words? You know that you love them, but you want to be sure that they learn to do everything as you, - "correct." You love their intellect, not the heart - just like your parents loved you.
When you suddenly lose your patience, it is because you express your love no heart - only his head. You're afraid to tell them that you feel really out of fear that they will not take this seriously. You do not want them to repeat the mistakes committed by you. This is understandable, but they must live their own lives and learn, going their own way.
To break this bond with her parents and finally allow yourself to be who you really are, you have to admit that your parents (or other authoritative figure) trying to do as much as possible, drawing on the knowledge of what they had. They loved you as much as they could, and showed their love, as they could.
This may sound strange, but seemingly indifferent, which show a truly loving parents, usually synonymous with trust. If the mother or father unconditionally loves his child, their relationship harmonious and fully take into account the nature and abilities of the child. With such a disposition of the parents know that the child is able to take decisions himself. The child knows that parents are always there to support him. Unable to understand the dynamics of someone else's relationship, looking the part, so do not judge parents who seem indifferent to their children.
Picky parents constantly criticize and "guides" for their children, in fact, believe that their children do not use the opportunities available to them. Do these parents unreasonably high expectations - and when they scold their children, for every word hidden love.
Others are doing everything possible to protect children from any difficulties or was necessary to make a choice. Perhaps these parents have lived a hard life, and sincerely believe that permanent guardianship of their children, only help them. But this is quite the opposite. In order to grow and gain maturity of children need to learn to make decisions in difficult situations. At the same time, his father, who himself is weak and will never be solved object, may resort to violence. He wants his son to "become more rigid and was not in the same position as was his father. He loves his son, but he loves reason.
Mothers often impose onerous demands on their daughters, "pushing" them and making extraordinary efforts to have her daughter was a "better life" than the mother herself lived.
These parents are not severed their ties with the past, and this is reflected in their understanding of their parenting role.
Most parents really want their children had more than they are to children's lives was more successful than them, but that desire often leads to expectations unrealistic. Excessive guardianship or excessive severity in relation to children - these are manifestations of the most proprietary varieties of love.
Lise Bourbeau
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