23.3 We all aspire to was named "Oscar" for the role we HRAZDAN LIFE!

We all aspire to was named "Oscar" for the role we HRAZDAN LIFE!

Exercise 7. Phew, what a sickening mush!

Look in your environment who is thus described by any expression of intimacy of contact between people. Celebrate and correctly interpret any statements accusing the people who support each other close relationships, in secret, 'dirty' intentions.

Pay attention to whether people showing similar setup, stable emotional relationship and how these relationships are stable and profound. Can you notice they have any signs of emotion in the scenes that excite our senses.

 

Not the best subject for observation are psychopaths, people with personality pathology or malovpechatlitelnye. Describe the steps impressionable, fragile, closed, fearful, apathetic, conservative ...

Analyze the causes and consequences of such a relationship to intimacy as carefully as you can. Be careful not to offend anyone.

 

Indeed, not always and everywhere we are able to communicate with other people in an open, friendly and confidential manner. Our sincerity is not always perceived as we would like to order. Sometimes in its care of someone we can look inadequate. We may suspect hidden intentions.Moreover, not all interpersonal communication are partners for life.

Depends on us, our organization's personal investment of time in interpersonal relationships. Choose what you prefer: to play or be in close contact with another person, whom you love (not necessarily having sex). Such contact may make your life more beautiful and large, full of happy surprises and expectations.

 

Consider the sense of compulsion associated with the need to play the role of the constant companion of life person of the opposite sex. Let's think, is not the role of husband / wife initially stressful because of the belief in the superiority of those who played over those who could not, would not or could not fulfill her.

 

Exercise 8. "What maiden dreams when he grows up" syndrome (spinster), or "Son, you have time" syndrome (an old bachelor)

Find people in your environment, do not become constant companions of living persons of the opposite sex. Perhaps, you relate to them. If so, take care of your mental comfort, and try in their arguments to be honest and brave. Otherwise, for the implementation of this exercise is better not to start.

Think about what reactions to such a situation faced by these people in their groups to render. Can we call these reactions are taking, permissible, frowned upon or pressure? Why they were left without a partner? Was it a conscious choice alone as the option value, the result of lack of suitable cases, inability, fear of the requirements of the role? Perhaps there were other reasons? Organize your findings and share them with anyone

something you trust.

 

Is it good to be afraid of loneliness? Yes - in the sense of the continuation of our species and not - with an individual point of view. Unfortunately, this sense involves the mechanism of self-fulfilling prophecy. In addition, a strong fear paralyzes us and makes it inactive. Therefore it is better to be alone to feel respected, because it allows us to maintain rationality and activity.

 

What else should not do?

Do not:

- Believe that the orchestra will meet your expectations.Remember, no one lives for the sake of

In order to meet the expectations of others, especially as they often do

do not realize or misinterpreted;

- Believe that you do fulfill the expectations of their partner.You may even want to execute them, but this is the wrong way, leading to the submission requirements of our life on the other;

- Strive to play the role perfectly. Hopes for a perfect performance as the wife /

husband simply ... bury! It is better to be alive partner with disabilities,

than those who are persistently striving for the unattainable ideal, constantly dissatisfied with the status quo, or feels guilty;

- Promise to someone else, that never, ever, anywhere, everywhere ... Do not forget about the stereotypes, irrational beliefs, and excessive generalizations;

- Communicate in nepartnerskom style. Remember back to the magazine 8, to which at

lead communication strategies, not involving the equality of both values

partners;

- Strive for power, or to obey. The power of love and manipulation of disgust, as well as self-denial;

- Focus on negative examples;

- Use your own energy to it, to avoid actions and events that have hurt us and other people who have adverse effects on the lives of our loved ones, because we thereby anchoring these erroneous decision and give the mechanism of inheritance of pathological specimens;

- To be sure that the resulting communication will develop themselves, and in the optimal direction, without our efforts and active participation. Even the flower gardener requires not only irrigation, but also warmth -

- To think negatively ... Even a small fly in the ointment can spoil a huge barrel of honey;

- Surrender at the first failure. Failure in itself can help you if you make sure that they are able to cope with its consequences, to ascribe the blame only themselves or their partner. This is an obvious absurdity (the third solution is the correct one);

believe that we can change others in their own image and likeness. We can change ourselves, our behavior, attitudes, feelings, and evaluation;

consider the relationship with your partner as something static, unchanging. Any person, being an element of communication, evolving, changing, growing, changing, and therefore the quality of communication;

assume that we know the feelings and position of partner (in fact, we know our ideas about them);

depend entirely on life scenario related to the history of our relations.

If you are convinced that "it's not for long", "not for life," "it's unreliable," You

do not give yourself a chance to even check it out. If the link is suddenly saved, you promise yourself the victim of a subordinate or dominant tyrant. Can play

game, the rituals, to hide behind the work, to avoid intimacy.Here

but why?

 

Exercise 9. Weep over the role of an ideal performance companion

Go back to the moment of the previous magazine and try, using the same strategy, to say goodbye to the role of an ideal life partner. If you maintain an affiliate relationship, address their feelings, messages and solutions to the real person. Remember a good start, if the conditions to ensure that this exercise was important for you to experience.

Your purpose - to allow yourself not to be perfect in this role and do not reproach myself for it. This permit allows forgive and partner. And forgive us when refuse redress grievances received. Are you both do it?

EXERCISE 10. Which scenario is played out in a pair?

If you do not have a life partner, use so-called "inherited image", and if it is not (due to death, divorce, separation, use ...), history of communications that occurred in the past, if you are now in communication, try to his work is based on real facts and involve a partner to participate in it.

Ask yourself (or yourself and your partner) a number of issues. Ask how the look of partnerships in the history of your family home; are these stories an example to follow or avoid? How do you manage to create a version of the script author's life couple?

 

What are the considerations on the strength of the bond, fantasy on the theme of possible cheating, the fate of children, material wealth? Do not talk about what dream, try to call the presentation, beliefs, guesses where you are almost sure (even if you do not know why ...).

Return to the movie lesson 21 on the individual life scenarios - it helps you in performing the task. What a story like the story of your life? Can you imagine its ending in the form of the phrase: "And they lived happily ever after ..."?

 

We'll talk more about what it means - in accordance with the theory of transactional analysis - to realize the scenario when choosing a partner, maintaining a bond or rejecting it.Choosing a life partner, you can compare them with the content of your communication of positions: Parent, Adult, Child (this can help egogramma from lesson 16). It should also compare your position in life. It would be nice to have an idea about the content of your life scenarios on the choice of partner and the history of communications. Do you realize the script "henpecked" and "Big Mama"? Or do you prefer the commandments of misery under the title "Go get married and do not be a woman" and "Marry, but not approach." This is a complementary sample scripts. In many cases, the original state of affairs does not promise anything good pair.There is need professional help ...

All this may not be enough, but it can help you.

Do you know what you should do a couple seeking to maintain a quality relationship? Note that each of us could make your own wish list.

What should I do? ,

- Treat yourself and your partner as equal;

- Emphasis on love, not power;

- How to be tolerant of your partner;

- Remember that you may not approve of certain actions;

- Do not lie;

- Do not hide their feelings;

- To talk about emotions;

- Listen to each other;

- Bear in mind that we - not the victims, persecutors, and rescuers, and we - the individual, the

have equal rights;

- As often as possible together to rejoice, not to forget the laughter.

Add to that your wishes are, in your opinion, should be done to link was strong. Why do we offer different solutions? Talk about it with others.

 

Differences between the sexes

Discussing the relationship between men and women, it is useful to reflect on what we know about the differences between the sexes.

Most of us prefer to establish and maintain communications with persons of the opposite sex. We will not assess another's choice.

We will not impose standards that are based on the criteria of frequency. We create rules only

for themselves and they will be correct. And take care of the coincidence that we proclaim

the fact that we do.

Be alert to stereotypes, to widespread and unfounded allegations that the men / women - "such and such". In most cases this is stereotyping. Check and double check their beliefs about the so-called correct judgments on the topic of sex.

The guy must be strong and brave as a lion, a tiger, persistent, independent, dominant over the environment, intelligent, easily trained. The girl - gentle, sensitive, obedient, indecisive, sort of a baby, which requires care and "do not invent gunpowder" ... You do know, and other stereotypical statements, is not it?

The article of American psychologists E. Maccoby and C. Dzheklin summarizing the research on this topic can be found on the division of the myths (that is completely refuted by studies of stereotypes), the difference (confirmed experimentally interpersonal characteristics by sex) and uncertainty (hypothesis, which held studies could neither confirm nor deny.)

Meet, please, with this material.

 

Myths

Untrue, the following:

- The behavior of the girls more in line with social norms and behavior than boys;

- Girls more suggestible than boys;

- Girls' self-esteem is developed weaker than boys;

- The girls do not feel the need for achievement;

- The girls perform better than simple, repetitive, requiring the memorization task;

- Boys more difficult task, requiring a creative approach;

- Boys mentality more analytical;

- More pronounced in girls heredity;

- On the boys more affected environment;

- A girl - "students";

- Young men - "the audience."

Differences

It is true that:

- Boys more aggressive than girls;

- Verbal ability of girls higher than boys;

- Boys are more advanced spatial-visual abilities;

- Boys have greater mathematical ability.

Ambiguities

We still look for answers to questions:

- Are there differences in tactile sensations;

- Is it true that girls are more shy, timid and restless;

- Who are more active - boys or girls;

- Is it true that the need for competition among males is higher than that of girls;

- Is it true that the need for dominance in boys higher than girls;

- Is it true that one sex is more stable than the other;

- Is it true that women are more passive men;

- Is it true that more tutelage and patronage inherent in one of the sexes.