When would my father nor spoke to me, he always began the conversation with the words: "I spoke to you today that I adore you?" This expression of love was mutual, and later, when he reached old age and he could live a little longer, we have to stick with him even more, if at all possible.
In eighty-two years he was ready to die, and I'm ready to let him go to his suffering finally ended. We laughed, cried, held each other's hands and exchanged declarations of love, aware that the time has come. "Daddy, - I said to him then - after you leave, I want to get out of you a sign that all is well with you." In response to this absurd proposal, he just laughed. My father never believed in reincarnation, as do I, but in my life was a lot of cases, convinced me that I can hopefully get a signal from another world.
Between my father and me there were such a deep connection that I felt the penetrating pain in his heart at that moment, when he was gone. Later, I was very grieved because of the fact that the staff of the hospital would not let me hold his hand in the last minute.
Day after day I hoped to get news of him, but in vain. Night after night, before falling asleep, I asked him to come to me in a dream. However, four long months passed and I did not feel anything but sadness of loss. My mother died five years ago from Alzheimer's disease, and although I managed to raise two adult daughters, I felt as a child, became an orphan.
Once, when I was lying on a massage table in a dark quiet room, waiting for the start assigned me to a session, I was seized by the tide of longing for the father. I began to wonder if I was not too demanding, expecting him any sign. I noticed that my brain was then in a particularly receptive state. I felt so unusual clarity of mind that I could have easily folded the long columns of figures. First I checked, I was awake or asleep, and was convinced that my condition is far from sleepy. Each of my mind was like a drop of water falling on the smooth surface of the pond, and I enjoyed the peace and quiet of each passing moment. And then I thought: "So far I have tried to control messages from the other side. From now on I will not do."
And here in front of me suddenly came face to my mother - as she was before Alzheimer's took away her mind, personal traits and 50 pounds of weight. Her pretty face was crowned with a magnificent crown of silver hair. She was so real, so real, that it seemed to me - is just lend a hand, and I will be able to touch her. She looked at me, just like many years ago, before her body began to slowly decline. I even smelled the "Joy" - her favorite perfume. She did not say a word, as if waiting for something. I wondered how could it happen that I thought about my father, but instead saw his mother, and felt remorse for what is not asked to appear before me and her, too.
- Oh, Mother, - I said - I am so sorry that you had to suffer from this terrible disease.
She bowed her head slightly to one side, as if implying that he understood my words. Then she smiled her wonderful smile, and earlier said quietly but very clearly:
- But all that I now remember - this is love.
Then she disappeared.
I covered the trembling, as if in room suddenly felt cold, and I realized all my being that the love we receive and give to others - all that matters and remains in memory. The suffering goes, love remains.
Her words were the most important of all, what I have ever heard, and since they are forever etched in my heart.
I have yet to have seen or heard from my father, but I have no doubt that one day, when I least expect it will, it will appear and say: "I spoke to you today that I will love?
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