The author of this letter please do not write any of her name, nor even the name of the city. The story she told, so terrible and instructive, that the incredible and very real intermingled in a tragic site.
I worked as a teacher in one of the most "high schools" in the years when the main ideologists of the education system "was good" scientific methodical development of "Communist education of schoolchildren." Itself ideologically beautifully constructed theory into practice turned out that the hushed during the "thaw" the teacher of the Stalinist elite prep school, yet again came out in the educational vanguard, but close to them immediately stood shoulder to shoulder with young careerists gab.
Party secretary of our school became a teacher of mathematics Natalia Durova (name changed), a young woman, my peers. Even our daughters were at the same fourth grade. Perhaps it is these facts to breed a kind of "trust", which, after another fiery speech to the teachers' council Natasha conspiratorially whispered to me: "As I'm tired of these old fools!" I felt neither her nor the other teachers are no feelings, did not participate in their petty intrigues, not trying to solve issues with inconsistencies of our worldviews.
I probably falling into childhood, traveling with children on vacation in other cities, went on hikes, organized his own theater, etc., trying to meet with teachers only teachers' meetings. Waves class magazine during a break, I managed to slip so that I did not have time to draw into some sort of conversation.
This caused a natural reaction: I did not like the teacher and for the eye accused of all mortal sins. The summer of 1981 high school students were taken to a labor camp, she began his head, and I am an educator of the oldest group (students who have completed 9 th grade).
In camp Natasha from time to time taught me to live ...
- Why do you arranged yesterday evening swimming, because in terms of its not there!
- The guys were after volleyball dirty and perspiring, I had to refresh it!
- What they have not come down to the pond would be? Be scolded them for AWOL on that would have all ended. Why was it necessary to go with them?
- But I also played volleyball! In addition, I felt so calm down, you never know what ...
- Do not you know how to live peacefully. Very mean trouble! ..
Such advice I had to listen to almost every day. Natalie liked the role of "senior comrades", and I graciously, albeit with a slight contempt related to that of its weakness.
Perhaps it is this, my indulgence was the reason of what happened then, and that haunts me to this day. Maybe if I'd slapped her testimony at once, she never uttered a fateful words, but I did not answer her even more fatal ... The rules were: at 7 am all went into the field, there were only the camp commander and the duty of the kitchen. I put in the older group, the new rule and was able to defend it on the teachers' council camp: on my team every day in the field did not exceed one or two girls, whose mission included: bringing order to their beds, drying wet things, cleaning rooms, a girlish and boys.
This allowed the children to sleep for half an hour more, feel free to have breakfast, do not worry about that till the fields, they do not have time to clean the room, and then they will deduct "on line". And I podvignul such a decision is one ugly fact: the teachers' council convened urgently read aloud a letter from one of the boys to his friend. Teachers were amazed, talked about the urgent need for the arrival of parents or escorting the offender home.
The essence of the letter was the fact that its author is not the most decent terms boasted to his friend nonexistent love life triumphs and enthusiastically talked about "gay life" in the camp. In short, delirious teenager. Everyone knew that the letter is not a word of truth, but the righteous anger he caused the train of thought.
In response to my question, where do they get this letter, the anger hit me. I will not now discuss who is right and natural that I felt right, and not allowing ourselves to directly warn the kids that their letters read, simply blocked for Natalya to rummage through their things, putting in its way a barrier in the form of duty who were forbidden to leave the hut (we lived in the barracks!) unattended.
The duty is imposed. The girls themselves decide this question, usually freeing the field of those who these days is most in need. Boys in this did not interfere, preferring the clean beds and rooms in the implementation of additional rules for the missing.
The accident happened ten days before leaving home. For two days on duty in the group remained the same girl, and when she left the field on the third day (usually more than two days, the girls each other not), I started asking questions. I was told that she had "this is hard" and "let another day peredohnet. It would seem that everything is correct.
After the work was what it measures, Light duty, I saw a glimpse, and not found the time to ask her about her health. However, this was normal ... the night I awoke to the fact that someone was groaning. The groans were heard from behind the wall in the room of girls. It was four o'clock in the morning.
I rushed to their room and in the wrong predawn light I saw the picture: on the edge of the bed sat a Light and shook hands on that looks like a newborn baby, and she moaned through clenched teeth, and next to it that it was trying to make her girlfriend, Marina. When he saw me in tears Marina, repeating a refrain: "It's my fault, my fault ..." the beginning of what is the explanation. I turned on the light.
What I initially took for a baby, was swollen from the fingertips to the elbow arm of the Light. The hand was blue, the skin was stretched like rubber ball in the air ... "collect it", - I ordered the girls and ran to Natalia. Sleepy, she opened the door of the room.
- Natasha, quickly run to the farm manager for the car, Amy gangrene, it urgently needs to be a regional center! That's when everything happened. Quietly listening to my hysterical cries of our camp commander said tirade ...
- Do not create a panic. Where am I now find the car? You know how much time? Two hours later, start the working day at the farm, I'll take the car at the Director and will drive your light to the doctor. Nothing to it did not happen. I keep the situation under control. She rubbed his hand swelled hydrocephalus, and this fool Marina clipped her skin, nail scissors, and brought it dirt ...
- Why this did not know anything? Why did not I say?.
- Yes, because I was not allowed. You would have arranged a regular theater, shook her be with her doctors, and who would be with the guys in the box go? So go top up and do not worry - I personally took her to sovkhozes assistant, she washed the wound, lubricated than expected, did antitetanic shot, and, most importantly, made a record for admission, so for now everyone will meet it, not us ... The rest I remember bad.
I think I screamed, but no words, but as it just screams "but - but ..." and then I saw how the air around Natalya turned red and she began to back, and then it seemed thrown back on the opposite wall, and Again, I heard your voice, it sounded as though the side, on my right, a red mist. The words I remember all my life: "Oh, you bitch - I said (not I?), Will not work and three months, as you begin sdyhat you!". His ears rang, his hands trembling, the red mist cleared, Natalia was - where was, and not the wall, and only in her eyes was fear.
I slammed the door and ran into the street. Gray misty morning sobered me, I remembered with horror on the girl moaning in the barracks, on the red light in the room, Natalie and her voice, so similar to me ... light, we have saved.
I raised my boys, they told her in his arms (she kept losing consciousness) to the home farm manager, he gave the car - a broken lorry, which was put into the cab beside the driver to Light, and I'm one of the guys settled down in the back on the floor. The driver was driving on rough road to the district center, then the doctor on duty without anesthesia ripped unfortunate blue hand ... And only a few hours later we were told: "If you come a little later, his hand would be amputated ...
Whole story for the teaching staff the camp was like that quickly. Nobody discussed (not to compare with the righteous anger at the stupid letter youngster!), The guys did not know the details, we will be Igor (who was accompanied by light in the hospital with me) were silent, and all laughed at our bruises and scratches, which we had were in the back of galloping on potholes machine, "when Svetka were taken to the doctor."
I called the school and called the chairman of the parent committee - a smart intelligent man. The remaining days, he lived in the camp. He had a movie camera, and he made a film, a terrible movie that on arrival he was handed over to District Board. A month later apologized to him and said that the film is lost ... He was a decent man, and so he simply did not occur to stock up a copy.
On his return from the camp, we were swamped with mud from head to toe, remember that you do not want. I left school. And soon learned that at the fall checkup for the teachers (in less than three months!) From Durova cancer was detected. Before going to camp all the teachers were checkup - she was healthy.
This news shocked me. I persuaded myself that it has no relation to me that this is a coincidence, but then I learned again and again on the regular troubles which overtook those who mean to behave in this school tragedy. I cursed these people, I told myself to forget their faces and names, but they all have life went awry.
Since that time, I am afraid to quarrel with people. Everyone who hurt me or lied to, almost immediately was punished one way or another. And I never wanted this and did nothing to punish their abusers.
Sometimes I think that the voice which I heard was the voice of my angel - a guardian shaken villainy perpetrated by a woman who has had his own daughter, finished calmly and cynically to make disabled smart, beautiful, wonderful girl - the daughter of another mother. It was at this moment, when the air was flushed, my angel - keeper was replaced by the whiteness of their wings to the red color - and turned into an angel - the avenger ...
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