Drop your expectations

Drop your expectations

Probably the biggest source of pain and conflict in relations between people are our expectations about another person, no matter whether we're talking about it out loud or silently. This may be obvious, simple, and reasonable expectation. For example, I expect that my favorite go on vacation with me. I hope that my coworker comes to work on time. I expect that my daughter will be a ten-year clean up his room. These expectations may not be so specific: someone expects his partner to be like his mother (father), one expects the boundless love. Others expect that their friend would ideally resemble him. Somebody hopes that the other is to heal his child anxiety or to carry out his dream.

If you are angry at someone or disappointed in a man, it invariably means that your friend is not able to meet your expectations. The question is: Did he have to justify your expectations, not just to be yourself? Why are your favorite not entitled to take holidays away from you? Is your employee to come to work at certain times? Is your daughter has a ten-year clean up of the ideal in his room just because you want it? Is there a real, good reason for such claims or is it just your story, that people should act in accordance with your expectations?

Love means that you perceive the person as he is, and certainly not what you would like to see him. From this it follows that you need to give people the freedom to go his own way and be themselves. Sometimes we can solve a complex problem in our relationship, just throwing their expectations, and apologize (if necessary) for the fact that someone tried to impose their own ideals. (Of course, this does not apply to cases where the person is behaving inappropriately and violently just when you are together and have agreed to respect some rules.)

When do you expect, but do not get from another person's love, support, honesty, intimacy or affection, the point is that you need from each other that only you can give yourself. Perhaps you do not listen to their dreams and desires or expect too much from yourself, and maybe not love you and keep yourself? If you expect other people to change, you give them their power. If instead you focus on how to change yourself, your relationship will change, too. Or, your friend will also change a relationship at all stops, or behavior of another person will cease to bother you.