Live their own lives

Jill Edwards

Live their own lives

You do not tend to fade and dissolve in the relationship? Or maybe you're one of those unsolicited assistants who focus on the needs of others while ignoring their own? You do not attract to yourself, "the lame and the homeless"? So whether you need to enter into a relationship? Perhaps you are constantly worried about your appearance or what others think about this? Maybe you much nicer to be in the company of children (clients) than an equal partner? Do not you think that marriage is for you to prison?You do not avoid a close relationship, plunging in for this to work with your head? You do not accidentally became addicted to drugs, alcohol, smoking, work, exercise, grocery shopping, or something else? If any of these questions you answer "yes", then you have a problem in the area of ​​addiction.

In the classical problem of dependence relations is defined as one of the partners is considered to be more independent and competent, and the other a child dependent on him, demanding constant attention and care. Sometimes the partners switch roles, and all repeats. (A notable example is the marriage of the Prince and Princess Uellskih.) These partners can be husband and wife, parents and children, friends, relatives. The same dependence can be traced in professional relationships: boss and employee, physician and patient, employee charitable society and its client.

Dependence is caused by a desire to deter others from a distance, or brought before them sverhkompetentnym, confident and happy, or, conversely, passive, weak and helpless. And she and the other mask avoid true intimacy. A distinctive feature in dependent relationships is the inequality of partners. It forces people to play the role of the unnecessary and prevents them grow spiritually and seek to change. The contract concluded at a subconscious level, in such a relationship is as follows. On the "weak" partner is a constant concern, giving him thus an opportunity to develop and take responsibility for themselves and their actions. Another partner, the "strong", feels the "value" and indispensability. It literally feels like a hero, while denying their own needs and not admitting to low self-esteem. (Some of these relationships may be living in a fantasy world zatsiklivayas on relationships that have no future, or for those that have ended many years ago. And all this in order to avoid this in the vicinity.)

Dependence in the relationship occurs when you focus on what is outside yourself. You start to look for happiness and self-esteem in the external world, rather than to look inward. Over time, this habit can turn into a desperate search. Besides the fact that you are blocking yourself from this cozy relationship, you can stick in the attachments, and become a workaholic, alcoholic, or purchase another addiction. It is widespread in our culture, but often exist in society and in the subtle forms of socially acceptable. Dependency relationships are reflected in the form of excessive diligence, independence or affection, or hide in the farthest box of our private lives.

To get rid of any form of dependence in a relationship, you need to live their own lives, not someone else. Should pay less attention to the external world and other people's problems, to learn better self. We must clearly understand their own limitations: their beliefs, dreams, needs and feelings. Do not be afraid to say "no" when appropriate. Be sure to leave time and space for himself. Yes, and this even if you have small children, demanding partner, and a demanding job! Create yourself a kind of refuge, where you will spend, say, half an hour every day. You can sometimes arrange a full holiday. I, for example, every week, leaving his "crack" in time, and then do what I want. (If the weather is good, then I drew a long walk. However, I often take with the camera. In bad weather I'm doing an abstract painting.)

Our favorite for the first time may not like what we grow and change, while defending their own needs, but such a tactic to protect our close relations, frees us from fear of intimacy and marriage. It allows you to reach an equilibrium point, and express our deepest "I", so then we could share its integrity with loved ones.

I am located in the center of their own lives. I respect their own needs.