We all aspire to was named "Oscar" for the role we HRAZDAN LIFE!
Introduction
We are still traveling on the "Land of the social roles." Trips will last for some time, since the material is complex and requires special attention. Do not rush. Perform as many practical exercises. Communicate with fellow travelers or discuss the subjects taught to those whom you trust.
In this journal we will analyze the role of a life partner (partner), as well as their professional roles and features that will help not only to expand the existing knowledge, but also open new opportunities in life to meet emerging social issues.
What is expected of us around when we play these roles? And as we ourselves perceive them? Here are questions to which we will try to answer. However, remember that it can not be right or wrong answers, because their estimates are subjective. Majority opinion may be different from yours, and will become the norm for you only after you admit it as such. But in this you will need to be consistent!
Do you think these roles are imposed on a person selected by them or the circumstances of their own? Think about how a sense of satisfaction and happiness may depend on the conscious, contributing to our development partners to select the appropriate and relevant training.
In search of the "second half", or how to cope with the role of partner
What is the role of the partner (mate)? We are talking about the role of a person in a relationship with another person. That is, in this case, the determining factor?
• Gender differences? Yes, of course. However, not all, such as homosexuals.
• Absence of consanguinity? This raises fewer objections because the majority of incest rated negatively.
• One of the main goals of the existence of heterosexual partnerships many call marriage, but that in recent years have fewer pairs seek it or seek, but to no avail, that is, and do not become each other's partners.
• Possible test of time, but any of us could quite everyday examples that show the importance of not co-host, and quality entertainment. Perhaps the stability of communication throughout life? But what does it say people do not just get married?
• Perhaps the overall economy, the overall budget? In practice, this criterion is complicated and has more legal meaning.
• You should also pay attention to the joint responsibilities with regard to the possible offspring (who are legally prescribed only to spouses).
All of the above criteria to determine the role of the partner (the partner in life) are not ordered and not systematic, they largely reflect social norms. It is difficult to convince people that it is better to be even more difficult to prove, since the correctness of such a choice can only confirm his own life, is not it? It is easy to explain to himself the meaning of the decisions and behaviors, and then consistently follow them. That's life, everyday life and traditions that determine the value of heterosexual, common property and goals, etc. And the relationship between these factors, of course, depends on the individual values.
We are taught to identify the partner in life with my husband (wife) - true, the only sanctified by religion, with whom we have common children and household. What's wrong with that? Simplify it or attempt to organize? Try to answer this question, while remaining in harmony with itself (that depends on your own hierarchy of values!).
The most important thing for you - to understand (or affirm) that all we said so far about the criteria for a partner is theoretical in nature and does not actually determine the quality of this connection.
The attractiveness of interpersonal relationships and their specificity is based on a set of nondescript items. This mutual love, shared responsibility, trust, support, understanding, patience and tolerance, openness and emotional expressiveness, work for the common good, partner communication, equality (not sameness), respect for individuality and coherence of objectives and effective resolution of problems ...
A good "bouquet", is not it? And as you can see the perfect partnership? .
Exercise 1. The perfect couple
Try to determine what requirements must meet a couple of partners, so you could call it perfect.
Remember, what properties should be characteristic of a stable relationship between two persons. Think about your well-known couples who, in your opinion, are close to ideal. Encourage and assist in their dreams. Never mind that at the moment they may find it difficult to implement. Use your technique also known metaphors. The ideal couple like ...
Maybe you have the desire (and ability) to interview other people? Compare the different views, look for similarities and differences. Why is that? Talk about it with your fellow travelers. If we know exactly what to aim and then look to yourself and your partner, then why there are so many problems? They relate in particular to:
- Approach to the role of the partner;
- Ambiguous or contradictory expectations with respect to itself or to a partner;
- Concerns about the maintenance of communication;
- Challenges to the achievement of communication;
- Difficulties of matching the requirements of this role to the performance of other roles.
Freedom and responsibility become real only when we realize and understand our position in life, games, constraints, dictated by experience. While we are bound by unknown, unconscious past, we are not able to freely and easily respond to the needs and aspirations of the people with whom we are connected now.
If we say that we are free, which means we know what we do.
So, what we usually do? We establish the connection. Most often it is marriage. Marriage - the most complex interpersonal relationship. It can cause conflicting emotions, often beginning with a confession in the greatest happiness, and culminating in a legal strikeouts of life. Marriage is full of emotional experiences, and may be full of boredom and indifference.
Can be met and such a pessimistic (though some estimate it as realistic) scenario:
"The mutual disappointment and accusations will soon turn into disputes and scandals, leaving injuries and bad feelings. From this moment there are only three choices. The most common of these is the gap separation divorce .... Rarely is reconciliation and the stabilization of relations. Finally, some prefer quarrels caused negative emotions and psychological intrigue loneliness, it is the fear of loneliness partners formally preserve the relationship. However, they refuse to deep mutual feelings and suppress them, ridiculing or insulting, but somewhere in the depths of the self they hide the inherent desire of all people to love and affection ... and secretly read romance novels "(R. Rogol).
Should it be? What can protect us from this? - Self-knowledge, to which I appeal to you and. Carefully read the proposed material. Note that this may not be enough. It is difficult to explain the processes and mechanisms that govern us in choosing mates. One major factor is the sexual attraction, which operates both the conscious and subconscious level. This area of our lives requires separate consideration.
We will try to answer the question of whom we consider attractive. Attractive - it's ...
This problem has long troubled scholars. It turns out that we prefer beautiful, unanimous belief that good is always beautiful. This is especially important at the beginning of communication. We choose a capable and knowledgeable, but we do not really like too "positive"; more sympathetic we are not flawless and perfect, and those who exhibit the usual human frailties. Surprisingly, small errors increase the attractiveness of human and capable of reducing the attractiveness of the mediocre ...
EXAMPLE
A good example - then, as differently perceived by different people the same behavior, such as coffee spill on the tablecloth a famous actress and her servants. The fact that the first is a charming and full of charm, in the second estimated as clumsiness and carelessness.
"Love - is often a profitable exchange between two people who get most of what could count, taking into account their cost in the market of personal qualities" (Erich Fromm).
It is cold, ruthless assertion is confirmed by the above research results.
Much more difficult to answer the question why we are attractive to each other. Consider the theory, revealing the mechanism of this phenomenon.
One way to explain this phenomenon - the analysis of the relation of rewards and punishments associated with the maintenance of relations with another person. What we buy and what we lose by supporting a specific link? People tend to do, which is associated with positive reinforcement, and to avoid actions that result in punishment. This policy statement develops a theory of justice, according to which we aspire to achieve maximum results with minimum resources.
This theory is fun to look at the practice.
EXAMPLE
"Easier" and not "cumbersome" for us to love someone who lives closer to us. We also prefer to maintain contact with the nice and polite people, but not with those who curse us and hurts. We like people who can provide us a favor, asking nothing in return ...
Analyzing the friendly relationship between two people, it is necessary to consider two systems: the rewards and hardships, that is to evaluate the personal benefits and costs of each party.
Introduction
We are still traveling on the "Land of the social roles." Trips will last for some time, since the material is complex and requires special attention. Do not rush. Perform as many practical exercises. Communicate with fellow travelers or discuss the subjects taught to those whom you trust.
In this journal we will analyze the role of a life partner (partner), as well as their professional roles and features that will help not only to expand the existing knowledge, but also open new opportunities in life to meet emerging social issues.
What is expected of us around when we play these roles? And as we ourselves perceive them? Here are questions to which we will try to answer. However, remember that it can not be right or wrong answers, because their estimates are subjective. Majority opinion may be different from yours, and will become the norm for you only after you admit it as such. But in this you will need to be consistent!
Do you think these roles are imposed on a person selected by them or the circumstances of their own? Think about how a sense of satisfaction and happiness may depend on the conscious, contributing to our development partners to select the appropriate and relevant training.
In search of the "second half", or how to cope with the role of partner
What is the role of the partner (mate)? We are talking about the role of a person in a relationship with another person. That is, in this case, the determining factor?
• Gender differences? Yes, of course. However, not all, such as homosexuals.
• Absence of consanguinity? This raises fewer objections because the majority of incest rated negatively.
• One of the main goals of the existence of heterosexual partnerships many call marriage, but that in recent years have fewer pairs seek it or seek, but to no avail, that is, and do not become each other's partners.
• Possible test of time, but any of us could quite everyday examples that show the importance of not co-host, and quality entertainment. Perhaps the stability of communication throughout life? But what does it say people do not just get married?
• Perhaps the overall economy, the overall budget? In practice, this criterion is complicated and has more legal meaning.
• You should also pay attention to the joint responsibilities with regard to the possible offspring (who are legally prescribed only to spouses).
All of the above criteria to determine the role of the partner (the partner in life) are not ordered and not systematic, they largely reflect social norms. It is difficult to convince people that it is better to be even more difficult to prove, since the correctness of such a choice can only confirm his own life, is not it? It is easy to explain to himself the meaning of the decisions and behaviors, and then consistently follow them. That's life, everyday life and traditions that determine the value of heterosexual, common property and goals, etc. And the relationship between these factors, of course, depends on the individual values.
We are taught to identify the partner in life with my husband (wife) - true, the only sanctified by religion, with whom we have common children and household. What's wrong with that? Simplify it or attempt to organize? Try to answer this question, while remaining in harmony with itself (that depends on your own hierarchy of values!).
The most important thing for you - to understand (or affirm) that all we said so far about the criteria for a partner is theoretical in nature and does not actually determine the quality of this connection.
The attractiveness of interpersonal relationships and their specificity is based on a set of nondescript items. This mutual love, shared responsibility, trust, support, understanding, patience and tolerance, openness and emotional expressiveness, work for the common good, partner communication, equality (not sameness), respect for individuality and coherence of objectives and effective resolution of problems ...
A good "bouquet", is not it? And as you can see the perfect partnership? .
Exercise 1. The perfect couple
Try to determine what requirements must meet a couple of partners, so you could call it perfect.
Remember, what properties should be characteristic of a stable relationship between two persons. Think about your well-known couples who, in your opinion, are close to ideal. Encourage and assist in their dreams. Never mind that at the moment they may find it difficult to implement. Use your technique also known metaphors. The ideal couple like ...
Maybe you have the desire (and ability) to interview other people? Compare the different views, look for similarities and differences. Why is that? Talk about it with your fellow travelers. If we know exactly what to aim and then look to yourself and your partner, then why there are so many problems? They relate in particular to:
- Approach to the role of the partner;
- Ambiguous or contradictory expectations with respect to itself or to a partner;
- Concerns about the maintenance of communication;
- Challenges to the achievement of communication;
- Difficulties of matching the requirements of this role to the performance of other roles.
Freedom and responsibility become real only when we realize and understand our position in life, games, constraints, dictated by experience. While we are bound by unknown, unconscious past, we are not able to freely and easily respond to the needs and aspirations of the people with whom we are connected now.
If we say that we are free, which means we know what we do.
So, what we usually do? We establish the connection. Most often it is marriage. Marriage - the most complex interpersonal relationship. It can cause conflicting emotions, often beginning with a confession in the greatest happiness, and culminating in a legal strikeouts of life. Marriage is full of emotional experiences, and may be full of boredom and indifference.
Can be met and such a pessimistic (though some estimate it as realistic) scenario:
"The mutual disappointment and accusations will soon turn into disputes and scandals, leaving injuries and bad feelings. From this moment there are only three choices. The most common of these is the gap separation divorce .... Rarely is reconciliation and the stabilization of relations. Finally, some prefer quarrels caused negative emotions and psychological intrigue loneliness, it is the fear of loneliness partners formally preserve the relationship. However, they refuse to deep mutual feelings and suppress them, ridiculing or insulting, but somewhere in the depths of the self they hide the inherent desire of all people to love and affection ... and secretly read romance novels "(R. Rogol).
Should it be? What can protect us from this? - Self-knowledge, to which I appeal to you and. Carefully read the proposed material. Note that this may not be enough. It is difficult to explain the processes and mechanisms that govern us in choosing mates. One major factor is the sexual attraction, which operates both the conscious and subconscious level. This area of our lives requires separate consideration.
We will try to answer the question of whom we consider attractive. Attractive - it's ...
This problem has long troubled scholars. It turns out that we prefer beautiful, unanimous belief that good is always beautiful. This is especially important at the beginning of communication. We choose a capable and knowledgeable, but we do not really like too "positive"; more sympathetic we are not flawless and perfect, and those who exhibit the usual human frailties. Surprisingly, small errors increase the attractiveness of human and capable of reducing the attractiveness of the mediocre ...
EXAMPLE
A good example - then, as differently perceived by different people the same behavior, such as coffee spill on the tablecloth a famous actress and her servants. The fact that the first is a charming and full of charm, in the second estimated as clumsiness and carelessness.
"Love - is often a profitable exchange between two people who get most of what could count, taking into account their cost in the market of personal qualities" (Erich Fromm).
It is cold, ruthless assertion is confirmed by the above research results.
Much more difficult to answer the question why we are attractive to each other. Consider the theory, revealing the mechanism of this phenomenon.
One way to explain this phenomenon - the analysis of the relation of rewards and punishments associated with the maintenance of relations with another person. What we buy and what we lose by supporting a specific link? People tend to do, which is associated with positive reinforcement, and to avoid actions that result in punishment. This policy statement develops a theory of justice, according to which we aspire to achieve maximum results with minimum resources.
This theory is fun to look at the practice.
EXAMPLE
"Easier" and not "cumbersome" for us to love someone who lives closer to us. We also prefer to maintain contact with the nice and polite people, but not with those who curse us and hurts. We like people who can provide us a favor, asking nothing in return ...
Analyzing the friendly relationship between two people, it is necessary to consider two systems: the rewards and hardships, that is to evaluate the personal benefits and costs of each party.
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