But the matter is that every sub-item of the contract we sign in blood, and forget about it, and yet, it is hard not observe all the conditions of this contract.
Here are some examples of the psychological contract: "I promise that will never marry well, for you, Daddy was not happy in the marriage", "I promise that will not do a brilliant career and do not marry happily, because you sacrificed your career for me" , "I promise that you will not be leaving", "I promise that my life is an eternal struggle, the same as you", "I promise never to get angry is not", "I promise that I will receive only things that you approve the "," I promise that I never actually did not grow up to the present ". Needless to say, that such con tracts play a destructive role in our lives when we become adults.
On the spiritual level, the psychological contract has always been our friend. It gives us an opportunity to understand the lesson and draw the appropriate conclusions, such as: what is the difference between love and martyrdom, as the desire for approval can block our spiritual growth. We can understand the need to take responsibility for themselves.
Many of our relationships: with parents, friends, loved ones, colleagues and neighbors, is also supported by the psychological contract, and it may be decisive in these respects. For example, one person can agree to become "persecutor", and one, respectively, "victim", or a couple can engage in a very dramatic game "confidence-betrayal", or "interdependency", or "Freedom - Responsibility".
(Of course, the psychological contract, this is just one of the sources from which stem the complexity in the relationship. Another common source is a limiting or negative beliefs, such as:
"No I will never love", "If I fall for someone, he will know what I want and what I feel", "If people have good relations, they were never angry", "If a problem arises, then, this is not my mistake "," If I have to be a serious relationship with someone, my partner should die or be sure to throw me "," All men are like my father and all women like my mother ". And so on).
There is a Zen saying: "Keep easy, fast release". The more we try to keep the next person or thing, the sooner we lose him. We must learn to take an open hand, allowing for all and to all free to enter into our lives and also free to leave us. In doing so, we recognize that both are absolutely correct. (In personal relations it adds confidence and self-confidence, but those qualities always attracted to the man!).
Another misconception is that we believe that in the event of any problem, we should not change, while the other man. According to Seneca tradition, if someone is blaming the man, pointed a finger at him, he pointed to himself three fingers, which means: "That thou must change!".
When one partner realizes what he should draw a lesson (maybe this honesty and openness, self-pity or destruction to himself, or the need to learn to intimacy, or the ability to take responsibility for themselves, or learn to let go, or to contain their anger, sending it in a constructive way), in this case, the contract loses its force. (As for the contract in force requires the participation of two parties). At this point, the partnership may either end or go to the next level of closeness and understanding.
In any personal relationship, our true objective - to learn how to love: how to love and honor ourselves, how to love and honor others. We often Topchiev on the ground due to the fact that we are afraid to offend others, if they begin to change, for example, if we learn to express their anger, or become more independent, or even if we terminate our relationship and rasstanemsya. And the truth usually lies in this: we are afraid.
Spiritual law states: if we choose the path of growth, if we follow the dictate of the heart - it is the supreme choice for all those who took part in it.
If you decide to divorce, which left only in the documents, this is the best choice for each of the partners, even if one of these protests and begs the other to stay. If you decide to change the work, despite the fact that your chief of you do not want to let go, and colleagues say that you are very "need", leaving, you give them a chance to grow and evolve spiritually.
In any case of the two parties is usually more than one person wants another to grow spiritually and take risks. The decisive factor here is the following: it is necessary to know whether the effect of fear or anger, or maybe you simply submit a subconscious to fulfill the terms of the contract, or did you just listened to a good heart.
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