(Thomas Troub, MD)
Working with involuntary repetition.
Michael, a member of a recent seminar, explained that thirteen years ago his wife left. And he just give up his partner. I asked him to consider why this is happening. As a result, he realized that depend on women and behaves as the beggar. It seemed that gradually women who become friends with him, just bored to play his mother. "I see a sample and feel the pain of abandonment, who had come from the relationship with his mother, but still nothing changes", - he said. When we went deeper, it became clear that Michael is deeply identified with the role of the child every time you close with a woman. True, he is acutely aware of this scenario, explores and feels the pain of early primary wounds. But it is repeated because of the identity of Michael. In relations with women, he remained in the children's condition. Find themselves in the bubble, it sees itself as a helpless child in desperate need of a mother. Michael feels it, but not willing to destroy this image of yourself, because what else does not want to grow up and be adults. Just do not come the right time. Had nothing to do but to accept this situation. At some point he will be able to face fears of loneliness and to withdraw from its identification.
In my own process I have seen the identification of the wounded themselves created my suffering. As a child, always comparing himself with the older brother, I formed an image of themselves as inferior, and failure. This image haunted my whole life. Especially I felt much pressure in his work and creativity, where I had to overcome a terrible lack of confidence in yourself. I also feel this pressure in relation to more powerful men, again playing with the trauma associated with his brother. Eventually, I began to see that stydyaschiysya younger brother - in fact, not me. This is only role with which I identified, because a large part of her child support. I am still provoked shame and I can fall into the scenarios that come from it, but he no longer manages my life. Something changed inside me. This change occurred gradually, and I can not say exactly how and why.
It is our emotional identification with a child leads a repetitive model. The first step is to break them - to recognize the existence of identification. We like the characters in the drama, which simply must ask the scenario. While we are not aware of their participation in the play (the remaining identification), staging is always the same. If we were injured, it creates an internal identification with someone defective. The child had always believed that the merits of what is happening with him. If he had been abused or humiliated, he believes that this is because it is a bad person. This identification establishes the expectation that the injury recur. This is a negative expectation. Identification is also in our mind creates the belief that "this is life". These negative beliefs. And, finally, it creates a deeply embedded patterns of behavior, such as the retreat, fighting, defense, protection and ugozhdenie addiction to the mind of a child develops to cope with the trauma. It is our negative automatic behavior.
We can see how negative beliefs, expectations and behaviors govern us. We believe that no one ever was not with us, that we will never get the love they need and want that, and that we can never trust anyone. We feel deep inside that, unworthy of love. We also expect that we are again rejected, or subjected to shame. We are waiting for this to happen, because on a deep unconscious level we do not know anything else. Our concept of love based on the role models of early childhood is based on the fact that we have seen what is happening between the parents, and how we see and as we approached. Later in life we attract people that match the concept of love. If it includes violence, this is what attracts us. If it is dissatisfied, we drew an emotional hunger. In the end, because of our injuries, we have learner a lot of behaviors that make a rapprochement with us. Having made all the bases, we are surrounded by a wall, each - their own unique way, and other hard to penetrate the wall, or to us - to destroy it. If we are keenly identified with the abandoned, stydyaschimsya child, we are moving in these behaviors instinctively, because for a child it is a matter of survival.
When we are heavily identified with a child who suffered shame and violence, we hardly know what want and what is needed. We can be satisfied with any kind of attention, especially negative attention as an expression of love, because that is all that we know. Shock froze us in distress, confusion and inability to feel. Even more complicated picture that on a deep level of our identification with stydyaschimsya shocked and emotional child is to thirst for revenge. Traumatized child inside became so distrustful and gained so much unconscious does not express the anger that the dreaming of the days on which forces and exact revenge. In fact, the pressure of anger so much that often we invite someone who will allow us to aftergame for all these accumulated grievances. The thirst for revenge keeps us tied to identity. Emotional child does not see any difference between the present and past, so it does not matter that the place does not get the parent and not to the person who had abused us initially, as a partner or someone else.
The big question that is raised in almost every one of our workshops - how to withdraw from inadvertent recurrence? How are we to stop again and again fall into the same painful situation? I give this issue time and attention more than any other. Now I see it in three dimensions
Exit from inadvertent repetition.
1. Stage recognition.
Understand their own identification and coming out of their beliefs and expectations.
2. Stage dives.
The willingness to feel pain and fear that accompany identification.
3.Stadiya risk.
The willingness to risk and venture that the displays of our identity.
The first step in unraveling inadvertent repetition of - step of recognition. It implies that we recognize the existence of a certain behavior and associate it with an emotional wound in the child. We monitor the recurrence of the model to childhood experiences that can lead the process in motion. At this stage, must also be aware that we have negative beliefs, expectations, habits, and negative image of themselves, who for all these costs. For example, imagine that you have a scenario where you feel that you are experiencing emotional violence in romantic relationships. You see that bear the negative expectation that this will always happen. You may even believe that the violence - an integral part of that at all with someone to be. You notice that when you are with someone, then react, compressing shocked and starting involuntarily bump. If you go deeper, you notice that when you think about yourself, then you see someone who deserves violence or rejection. In the end, reverting to childhood, you realize that your father or mother you have been subjected to violence the same way as the one who pursues you today.
The second step harder. This stage of immersion. Here we allow a deep dive into the experience of trauma and feel it totally. We do not need to change it, or wait for it anymore. Most of us has a natural impatience to get out of the script. But the expectation that he will change, not dispel it. It dispel energy. Instead etoyu we need to remain in the experience, feeling fear and pain that it provokes. This phase is difficult to go through one (oops). I found that I needed some guidance, to enter into his experience, because my habit to understand everything intellectually, and jump over the fear and pain were deeply automatic.
During the course of our existence, we realized that it is important to identify people in the path of their scripts as they are with us, and then, in between the weeks of training, to maintain constant communication between parties in different countries where the seminars. Thus, we can help them see the scripts in a supportive and protective environment of the training room, and then add to this support and guidance in that the observed events unfolding in life, especially in personal relationships. In both situations, the focus remains on supporting the participants in that they simply allow themselves to feel pain and fear, not trying to change something or dissipate.
At some point in our journey is enough awareness of the negative beliefs, expectations and behaviors that we can choose, and we can stop giving them food. Then we are ready to risk and exit the automatic behavior. For example, Cynthia, my friend, is in a relationship with a man who regularly its tyranny. Cynthia believes that if you defend yourself and set limits, then there is something terrible. When it was in danger and does just that, her fears are not justified. And even when Alex, her partner is her anger, she is fine. Per of Norway believes that if he had to someone close, then on him to seize power. And the risk of approaching another person closer, he gradually opens up, which could yet stay with them. It is impossible to determine or predict when we have enough clarity, to stop the old behavior. I think this is simply due to the fact that we are having enough time to recognize and immersion.
When we are able to risk and do something new and different, this is the beginning of the vision that our beliefs about themselves - not true, Michael, in the example that I cited at the beginning of this chapter, believes that he - abandoned child needs a mother. Every time he approaches a woman with her child close it. When we identify with stydyaschimsya man who is unfit love, this man is stydyaschiysya relations. The response that we receive from the existence, predictable. When we start with the negative razotozhdestvlyatsya themselves in the life of another person comes. Suddenly we find that doing a wise choice, and what we always wanted to come to us. I came out of the script the creation of relationships in which I was the savior. I can not tell you how: this is what happened, but I could see that in this sample, the wound left to play. Sam of not knowing, I have followed the stages of release, which described above, and the repetition ceased.
Permission inadvertent repetition.
1. Recognition.
Awareness of the script - the recognition of negative beliefs, expectations and behaviors, the vision of the negative image of themselves standing over the role, monitoring the sample to the experience of early childhood.
2. Immersion.
Investigation of the energy scenario - the hidden unconscious internal feelings of anger, grief and fear (emotional child.)
3. Risk.
The adoption of new solutions based on a vision that those who worked on the script, - more than you are.
Exercises.
1. Making awareness in the script.
What are your main scenario of the most significant relationship? Introducing consciousness in a sample, please note the following:
a) your negative expectations;
b) a negative opinion;
c) an automatic behavior.
For example: "I have a script, which consists in the fact that I can not attract people. Always turns out that I beg for attention. Partner for some time becomes available, but soon makes it more important than other life priorities. I want it (a) given (a) more attention to me, but deep inside expect to be rejected. And when I did not get what I want, then going to the hopelessness and feel that will never get the love that is required ".
2. Search the wound from which the script was born.
a) What is the scenario is similar to the events and circumstances in the previous relations and as a child? What you experienced in childhood, which seems similar to what is now?
b) What image of yourself, you have formed as a result of these experiments? For example: "I am a loser". Or: "I am a person,
which is not worthy of love ". Or: "I neprivlekatelen (flax)".
3. Study the script.
a) What are the feelings of the script is inside? Anger? Hopeless? Helplessness? Sadness? Panic?
b) What words would you choose to describe his wound? Imagine that says your inner child. For example: "I feel totally not necessary (first) and unworthy (nd), when my partner ignores me, and when I am with him (her) said". Or: "I feel, that are subject to manipulation and control, when my partner that is required of me. It scares me ".
4. Risk.
What you can cast, how can you challenge the beliefs that keep your injured child?
5. Razotozhdestvlenie with the image itself - which plays a role.
Imagine that, looking at a small child sitting in front. Looking at this little child, is aware that he or she has a history of childhood, and that you have. He (or she) is as deeply frightened, distrustful, and uncertain as you. Allow yourself to feel the child. Inside you have the child, but there is no distance from it. You can see where the fear, uncertainty and distrust plague him, and simply allow them to be - but knowing that your consciousness captured wounded child.
HYPNOSIS
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