Christine, my Norwegian friend, panic is afraid of water. She has no notion about the causes, but one idea is to enter into the ocean, fills its horror. It is not "in Norwegian". Nathan, my other friend - a gifted musician, but when he spoke of his paralyzing staggering "stage fright". Andreas, a Swiss engineer who has been a lot of workshops, took a very responsible position in the government of the city, but it is appalling the slightest disagreement or confrontation with by anyone. Most of us have these incomprehensible and irrational fears. I often dream the same dream in which I was on the verge of taking the exam, but I is not ready, and another in which I am one, and desperately seeking to Haman, but I can not find it. When I researched the inner space, which, as I know, I belong to a wounded child, always finding a deep fear - all fears. And it seems, than older and may be sensitive, I become, the more intense becomes frightened my part. I suspect that it was always in me, but before I hid it so well, that he could not feel it so clearly, or understand.
Fear - is another characteristic of the quality of our emotional child. It becomes easier to understand, why the frightened inner part of us so much, once we understand how much fear at all times bear. At a higher level of awareness we begin to see that this fear illyuzoren, and that we all remain under the wing of a friendly. But in a state of mind child has no access to that reality. First, we must acknowledge the fears of living in the inner child. Every time he embraces us, we feel fear. When I was little, my father often told me a story about a little boy, which is terribly afraid "kreplaka". "Kreplak" - this is sort of a Jewish ravioli. One day his mother took him aside and said that now show that the "kreplake" There is nothing terrible. She led him into the kitchen and sit in the chair. Raskatyvaya dough, she asked whether he should not fear.
- No, - he answered.
She cut out a square piece of dough.
? Scary? - She asked.
? Not-a!
She took a handful of minced meat and placed at the center of tortillas.
? And now?
? No, certainly not! - He answered.
Then she zagnula a corner of cake.
? Not scared?
? No.
It zagnula second utolok.
? And now?
? No.
In the end, it zagnula last of the corners, and put them in the center.
- A-AAAA! - Cried the boy. - Kreplak!
I fear the child may be many sources. First of all, it is impossible that the sensitive creature had risen in the full of stress, depressed, competitors, moralistic western world is not filled with deep fears. There is also the birth trauma in the physical body and how most of us is born. Countless injuries that we experience in childhood, only to aggravate this initial injury. Any stiffness or intrusion, even in the most subtle form, to become our natural sensitivity complete shock. And in the end - just the uncertainty and insecurity in a world where we are by their nature, powerless to the forces that are far more of us We have many, many fears, but they are the two main. One of them - fear not survive. Second - do not get love. All other fears - only the first two branches. When we begin to further explore their own fears and behaviors, then we have a vision of how great a part of our life, revolving around these two fears.
Our culture does not teach ease in handling fear. We are taught to deny it or push yourself to overcome it. Maybe we are fighting for the image, convince yourself and others, that fear does not exist. Or feel shame for what they do there. Maybe we davim themselves or condemn themselves for fear. But if we do not fear taking a friendly, it is not and friendly relations with its own sensitivity. And if there is no method of treatment of mild fear, we can never learn how a healthy relationship with their own power. We consider the effect of the absence of fear, rather than take its course. On the negative conditionality in relation to fear, we learn to be ashamed of their own sensitivity and vulnerability, rather than appreciating the beauty of these qualities. Our strength, instead of centering becomes aggressive.
I am very well compensated for fears, once in the days of college, when my neighbor around the room and began to cast a class to go to a psychiatrist, I just found it slabakom. Only many years later I began to realize the split of the burden inside. On the surface I am very creatively made mask, providing high performance and smooth operation of all systems, but hidden deep within a frightened child This frightened child comes to the surface in stressful situations, such as relations with women passing exams or sporting events. Once in college, I invited to visit a very attractive and sexual girl, one of my odnokursnits. Much to my surprise, she agreed. Drove it, I was so nervous that he could not think about what to say. Everything seemed just is not enough "cool". In the course of the evening, I became more and more tense, until, finally, we did not get to and not be at the party, arranged by my friends. There I drank more than able to digest - but I need a little bit. Then I apologized and went out into the street, but she insisted that make me company. Once outside, I got brave and kissed her, but I immediately bring up.
I think many of us have a memory like "Thriller". When we are curbing the sensitive side of himself, she could come to the surface of a sudden and surprising way, or be transposed to a beloved person so it was with me. My first love was an extremely sensitive man and psychotherapy for many years was simply to find the strength to live from one day to another. Cope with life was a constant challenge for her. I could not understand why she had so much difficulty. I believe that the best way to cope with fear - it's easy to overcome their determined effort. I thought that it was simply self-indulgent fear. When our "steep", compensating party condemns sensitive fears for her sensitive side hidden or subtle revenge sabotage. It starts with an internal struggle
Fear - except for situations of direct clashes with the immediate risk - based on the past. It comes from the experience and determination, living in the mind of a wounded child. He was introduced negative experiences, trauma and full of fear mysleformami, perenyatymi parents, teachers and culture. Look carefully and see their own opinions without fear, I came to realize that in most cases to have no basis in reality. Often, I can understand that fear came from one or both of my parents and finely prokralsya in my thinking. For example, when I was little, I was constantly around's in the air, fears related to money and survival. I still feel guilty if I buy a sweater and fifty dollars more expensive ... While not catching yourself on it. Little by little I begin to see that fear is usually because I am covering emotional child.
When I become irritable or "dispersed", exceeding the normal life for me a high speed, it is always a sure sign that I am involved emotional child. On the surface is a fear. It can be triggered by the fact that I did not get what you want from another person, in any physical discomfort, the possibility of rejection, defeat or criticism. The first step - take this fear. Second - to recognize that the situation controls the emotional child.
Exercises.
1. Detecting anxiety.
To begin with, write down or make awareness of their deepest fears with regard to:
a) convergence with the other person;
b) the expression of creativity;
c) Financial Security.
Ask yourself, is not whether these fears with the way you were taught to think? Do not proceed if these fears from past traumatic experiences?
2. Legalization of fear.
* Do not dominant hand voobrazhaya that writes the inner child, write down what you fear.
3. Study with fear.
What do you feel with regard to these fears? Condemns Do you see them? If so, what are your thoughts?
4. A study of opinion about the fear.
What message you got (verbally or non verbally) on how to handle the fear? Downplay them? Push themselves to overcome them? Do not succumb to them? Yield?
5. Manifestation own splitting.
Is there a split between the party you are, which leads to overcome, and condemned, and the other containing the fear? Draw this split in the picture. How do you cope with that split?
Key.
? Emotional child inside is in a state of
deep fear, and, in a state of mind of the child, in fear, we find ourselves. It is appalling that he did not receive the love and support needed to survive.
Every time provoked fears in his mind it is refracted as a matter of life and death.
? The source of our fears - the painful experience of the past go and injuries. In part, we also changed the fears of the relatives and absorbs from the environment - from parents, teachers, and culture. Since we usually covers fears "adult" consciousness, in which the learned one way or another to compensate, we have little understanding of how and why these fears arose.
* That is the right for left-handed, left for right. - Notes. now.
? Usually we do not have friendly relations with fear. We condemn them, deny trying to overcome the determined effort and flees from them. Not taking the fears we cutting off his own sensitive and vulnerable side. There is much more healthy ways of dealing with fear. We can take it and understand that it comes from our emotional child.
? The only real fears - those that occur when faced with imminent danger.
All other fears are based on the past and are part of the state of mind the child. With this understanding we can begin to observe fears as they arise
and celebrate when they come out of conditionality and the old ways of thinking.
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