Many years ago, when I began to study their inner world, my therapist asked me to tell about his childhood. I thought a bit and said that actually I did not complain at that: "I had an amazing childhood". Then the work began. It turned out that I idealized parents to such an extent that is still looking at the world through the eyes of them. When in the course of therapy, ideally spill began, for me it was a shocking experience, one of my first encounters with solitude. In the children's state of mind, we idealising who cares about us. This gives us some support in a clash with the unpredictable life. We like living in the enchanted state in a fantasy world, voobrazhaya things such as we want.
Magical thinking - one of the distinguishing characteristics of children's state of mind. For a child it is a necessary mechanism for survival, he had no choice but to trust the "big people". But if we stay a spell, we do not grow. Then, having grown up, we are not able to see or evaluate the reality is clear, because it is still looking at it through the eyes of a child in a position to spell, we are not able to see that happen to us. We do not want to see objectively - it is too scary and painful. Instead, we continue to hope and again and again disappointed. After my idealization apart, many years I was moving in the opposite direction. I wanted as little as possible, and reminders of relationships with my family. Every time I saw another person with the same characteristic Jewish conditionality, I pyatilsya confusedly.
I have a close friend, the natural innocence that inspires him the love of all others. But it is extremely gullibility and constantly feels loyal people who trust. When two people fall in love with each other, in the ninety-nine per cent of the cases both of them are in magic thinking. None of them sees the other as it is. We see that the wish to see, because our child is thirsty, that his requirements have been implemented. Thirst dazzles us. More often than not, relationships come to a standstill simply because one partner disappointed. We are beginning to bubble in the relationship and the magical belief that another - a woman or a man of our dreams, despair and bitterness, when the other does not reach up to our hopes and expectations. A similar trend is observed with the authorities in our lives. First, they are wonderful and perfect, but when they do something that breaks our "confidence", we precipitate them from the throne. Need to start with the fact that we have never seen them like to eat.
We put people on a pedestal or precipitate with him entirely from our own magical thinking. Things are not so bad and not as good as we can see from the perspective of hope and fantasy. But magical thinking, we are always moving between one and the other extreme, over and over again until it plunged into hopelessness. We never see exactly what to eat. As a child, young, naturally, we believe that all that talk shows and large true. It is our innocence, trust and desire to learn to make us open, receptive and gullible. We are looking upwards at those who teach us, without any distinction. We were зачарованы their authority and to which they are created in front of our eyes. All this is normal and natural. Problems begin only when we transfer child zacharovannost into adulthood. If we do not know how to own their own world, and we do not have strong confidence in their own uniqueness, if we can not feel that for us is true, and that is not likely, we are in the power of magical thinking. Then we are not able to accept that we have to stand on its own legs, face to face with the world, alone.
In an emotional state of mind, we look for the child of someone in the role of parent, that he (a) caring for us and cared about us. We desire attention and want to feel special in his eyes. Moreover, we compensate the low self-esteem when it is mediated by - just knowing his values and voobrazhaya that we have to strive for. We do not have any genuine self-esteem. Our own sense of well-being comes not from the inner feelings, but from the idealization of another. When his or her image of splits, we suffer. We feel disappointed, abandoned and loyal and at the same time convinced of the inadequacy of their own self-esteem, which artificially prop up another. However, generally we do not have the slightest notion as to why such feel unhappy. We anticipate that we will not because we put one on whom we rely. When we зачарованы and someone idealising. We can not clearly see its positive and negative sides, evenly, maturely. Under our accusation can get everyone with whom we communicate - beloved friends, the chiefs, teachers, or heroic figures. For us, painfully, as we begin to see their humanity, I normally get - it makes us feel abandoned and coerces grow. Our emotional child inside does not want to do that. Therefore, often when we feel cheated, wounded child then looks for another and just idealiziruet him to fill the empty hole inside.
I experienced this kind of magic look not only at parents, but also to friends and teachers. I still nurture a fantastic kibitzer that people will always be sensitive, understanding, kind and compassionate. When I see that they are less "enlightened", as it seemed to me, I was disappointed. Also, when I encounter a new teacher with someone who can learn some things, I am his or her idealiziruyu. I feel that this is something amazing and new, and this man - a wonderful, wise and insightful. Until I can not begin to see him (her) wet, and not a disappointment. I quickly recognized that this is simply the behavior of my emotional child, and can more clearly see the strengths and weaknesses of these people, while continuing to love them and they learn.
Exercises.
1. A study of frustration.
Choose someone in your life who is your authority. How is this person you disappointed? Note whether you are idealized this man, and if your frustration arose from the fact that he or she has not exercised your expectations.
2. Recognition of magical thinking.
What makes you lose trust in someone in your past relationships? How can you not see the man like to eat?
Key.
? To feel loved and secure, our --
Emotional child wants to believe that the world - is a place committed, loving, fair, understanding, sensitive and personal attention to each of our needs, and to every sense. Unconsciously, he projects that hope to each situation and each person faces. This is called magical thinking.
? When the magic beliefs contrary to what we encounter, we feel committed and subjected to violence. First person (or situation) can not do anything wrong, because we put them on a pedestal. From there, they seem like we want. When we ignore their disparity pedestal becomes impossible, we precipitate them with the same force as idealized.
? Magical thinking is an emotional child prevents us from seeing people and things such as it is. With magical approach to life, we remain in constant fear and frustration, because people and situations will never live according to our unrealistic expectations.
HYPNOSIS
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