If something can be misunderstood,
it will be understood correctly.
Murphy Law
"Community" often means "I said to you". And while you understand - this is the second issue, and we should have guessed, it's worth it to ask.
There is such an anecdote. Man psychiatrist said: "I do not understand why his wife has led me to you! My whole problem is just that I like cotton socks ". The doctor responds: "Well, then I do not understand, because I myself like cotton socks". "The truth is, Doctor? - Delighted patient. - And you are like more like: by ketchup, mayonnaise or a sauce? "
We aim to reach agreement as quickly as possible. We think that the communication process itself is so important that we are winding down the discussion and did not think it is necessary to clarify the details. Indeed, the surface of a beck, smile, agree with everything, and you will be fine together. But as soon as you receive more than the emotions and field tasks, inevitably raises the question of the content of the information. The information is beginning to demand attention.
For example, ask you a question. Do you have a car? If you answered me "Yes!" Or "No, no!", - It would mean the answer is very informative for me, but absolutely useless, or even (oh, horror!) Hurtful for you. You do not know how I will continue. Maybe, I say: "All those who have cars - my enemies, because I speak for the closeness to nature!". Or maybe I want to get somewhere and naproshus in companion. Or do I sell the parts and I see in you a potential client. Depending on what people asked and the answer you want. Your buddy has a piece of information that is not you. Therefore, there is nothing wrong with that answer the question at issue. Always is not harmful proper soil. Remember in the movie "jazz only girl" Joe asked his friends: "What are you doing tonight?" "I will be home!" - Coquettishly, she is responsible, in the expectation that he would come to her guests. "Ah, thou shalt be at home, the car all evening you will not need, and we will be able to take it?" - Joe meets satisfied.
You do not need from the very first words to pretend that we understand what is at stake. Information - a very tricky thing. Suppose you say: "We offer a good work for good wages, if you do it with quality and on time. Do you agree? "Of course you agree! Total only "a" and "in-time", and the salary of "good". And then it turns out that the quality will not be how much you've done, but what you said about your supervisor. In the "good" salary - this is compared with the salaries of retirees who work beside you time, and "in-time" - this means that you should have done it yesterday. But you already answered "Yes!", Because they thought to build an overall picture of matrices, which are each in the head and we put on the information received. And when the word "work in the office" you to something specific. A "work in the office" may mean that you have to walk around the office and offer knives or towels. But the fault is not so. In the office? In the office!
Whence came dragons
To be able to handle information, you must first admit that we can be at the mercy of their submissions, have little in common with reality.
Even the same book, each reading in different ways, like the same story different people might retell quite differently. As a result, the story of how one made a giant Sumerian heroic feats, is transformed in the way the soldiers went to war and won it two dragons. There are quite a lot of psycho-ligvisticheskih research for the information. For example, the transformation of information during its transmission. Information is the property of distorted, synthesized (to make it more compact), and missed. What does this mean?
The distortion of information - an unpremeditated edaky "spoiled phone". Each dostraivaet only a fraction of its picture of the world. For example, in our tale was unclear where seized the dragon, but they appear! A classic example of distortion in the transmission of information - a fragment from the film "The irony": "Who among us fly to Leningrad? - Lukashin flies, because he married, we are for it just to drink. - But he said he met his bride when she came to him to accept! - So then it was in Moscow on a business trip! ".
Synthesis of confusing information in a large room. If you have three times been able to safely drive in the right place, you are ready to argue that there is never traffic jams. You feel free to pass this information on, and very surprised when you hear in answer: "But, in my opinion, there is always congestion, so I stood for three hours yesterday, and last week, too". Such words as "never", "all", "all", etc. - Eternal satellites synthesis.
Omission of information is also a permanent guest in our speech. The head often gives an indication pochinennomu, "missing" a lot of details. For example, a courier is requested to bring in the publishing envelope. Sam supervisor knows that the right person is called Nicholas Ivanych that he agreed with him that his office - not in the publishing house, and around the corner at otshibe that protection necessarily have to say that he is in the finance department, that the room number 8 There are three compartments, and two of them coincidentally sits on Nikolai Ivanych, but the name you want - Baranov. He knows this, but it's very detailed instructions to courier him once. So he simply said: "Otvezesh envelope for publication in room number 8 Nikolay Ivanych. Clearly the task? "Where f is easier, of course, understandable! A messenger does not raise any issues. But for some reason, then the messenger and not doezzhaet to Nicholas Ivanych! "There are, however, the agency sends a messenger stupid!". Familiar, is not it? Knowledge of the transfer of information can greatly simplify our lives.
Zanudstvo helpful
"... In recent years our relations have become somewhat strained, so we have a little increase in the distance. I think our annual round-the-world cruise, we will hold at a greater distance ". - "In different cabins, dear?" - "In different oceans, dear". The strongest emotions we feel when our maps of reality do not coincide with the reality. When we are waiting for one and get another. There is such a law: the formula of negative emotions is waiting on this. If we expect that to be a beautiful prince on a white horse, as is usual "guy from our courtyard" sivom on the gelding, he makes us irritated that he was not Prince. Although if we do not instead of it waiting for someone else, we would have probably listened to it right: the guy-he, in fact, good.
In training, I usually spend such an exercise. Sit 15 people, and I suggest to them: "Let's leave well spend!" All concur. But when we begin to find out is that each of their submissions "good" holiday, with diametrically opposed. For one - lie in the hammock with a box of beer, for others - the conquest of peaks of Kilimanjaro. For the third - "gallop on Evropam" sightseeing. And if we are at the outset of this information is not found, these differences can lead to perceptions of negative emotions, and copies have already broken ground on a holiday. The one who, instead of conquering Kilimanjaro were forced to lie in a hammock, will be affected.
Information - a way to control your emotional state. The man, armed with information, in an emotional sense, is much more protected against any surprises. A person who is trying to agree with everything, because it once to go into the details is likely to experience disappointment.
Somehow in our culture related to the collection of information is considered zanudstvom. The man who asked a lot, often causes irritation. If someone starts asking you too many questions, there is a sense that he does not trust you. And, in fact, he just cares about his own, and, interestingly, for your emotional comfort. It thus creates a normal mode, so that does not upset.
There are, of course, another way to cheat this formula - it is known to think that everything will be very bad, and then pleasantly surprised when something good does happen. But this is extreme.
Give me something, I do not know that ...
Why do we say "our people" and not "their"? Because the people that we know without question that this is a very close person, who do not need to explain. We have Michael Scherbakova lines: "And if something you need to explain, it does not need to explain, but if they were worth explaining, it does not explain." And it is this fascination of such relations: the wife did not have to ask her husband when they lived together for 10 years, that is for him a good evening. And he does not need to seek her when she asked for "make a good inexpensive gift", what it meant by "an inexpensive and a good".
But if all the same woman you are not so close, this is one of the most remarkable traps, which lovyatsya men around the world.
God forbid you catch on this hook, do not ask any questions or do not start to collect information. Otherwise it will end well: "AAA as you can as you could have me such horrible perfume gift! So much money spent, but this stuff gave me, I will not ever be! "Or:" Yes who do go to this restaurant?! "Yes, ask direct questions - this is almost an insult to cause, but this does not mean that there is no ways to get information without question. In fact, when people said: "Give me something I do not know that, go there, I do not know where", is actually a person inside them, or very well knows, or at least approximately at its map of the world is outlines of what he really wants. It's a game "Guess-ka". But rather than play the "Guess" blind, is much more interesting to play at least a scout. Do not hurry to get information from their own extensive leg. Try searching for it from the outside - it is usually not severely masked.
What prevents you hold "finding", when you promise "good job in the office"? We must act, not dostraivat picture in my imagination! Try to collect her scintilla of real information. It's not so easy. There are questions that ask not accepted. If you ask a direct question to his superior: "How do I understand that I am working qualitatively?", More often than not you will not receive a response. Get a strange sight, reasoning "no worse than normal" or "lo, as Ivanov works". Very rarely a person that is the criteria and descriptions (if you're not, of course, tochite on machine parts or not sewing shirts, where you can touch and see). Those who have tried to create standardization of quality, asking this question. But still not all been able to standardize. It's easy on the equipment, but it is very difficult to engage with the client. Is this a good customer service or not? And each company will be their criteria and requirements. How to assemble this puzzle, and why is it so important to her to collect if you want to become a man of this company?
If a man really wants to fulfill the conditions, it begins to work fairly well, as he feels good and is trying to surpass himself. But remember the college years. What should have been responsible for the test: that we ourselves seem correct, or what the lecturer taught? That is why many people who are working very well, did not receive a raise: because they work on their criteria and not on the company's criteria. Of course, this could be their vital principle, but usually they feel undervalued. And this is just information to them revenge for the fact that they neglected her.
It is very important for the leaders when it comes to delegating authority. Eternal screams: "But you leave! You do not trust! As you can see, I have such a simple thing you said! "Is often explained by the fact that it is distinctly and clearly did not explain what he wants from them. It could be a revealing exercise: the head, having on hand a simple drawing, must ensure that subordinates its draw. The peculiarity is that it provides guidance because of the screen or by telephone. Usually the activity is accompanied by rapid fun ... Managers are amazed - is it so difficult? In the meantime, one of the laws of Murphy reads: "If something can be understood correctly, it will be misunderstood!" In the army in this respect easier. They did not rely on an understanding without words, and the subordinate must repeat the order, saying that he understood.
And in this sense, people who can be trusted - this is the one that you can not explain all the details. Anyone who understands me - is the one who freely oriented within my map. His understanding of the quality of the psychological process of my close. Credibility is based on how people informed of my map, and I - on it.
There are situations when you can and should ask direct questions. On a personal note that, by the way, and has the effect of psychotherapy. Because the information in the form of neprorabotannom we can load, and is to ask some questions to himself that all was in place. For example, "people always refer to me ill!" "No, I never helps!" "I do not ever lucky!" "All the chiefs of the same!" Just ask yourself the question: "And who specifically? And there was at least one case where it was otherwise? "And it appears that most malevolent chiefs or total failure, you can count on the fingers of one hand. And terrible "always" melts at the sight.
Similarly, it helps to work with clients' objections. "What is it you are unhappy? Formulate! "It is very important while maintaining favorable emotional tone that matters were not heard from the prosecutor and intonation were not similar to the charges. If, of course, we really want to get information, rather than bicker. We may have to tie these "Gordian knots", have their own, and hew, as we only detail information.
And at the interview is considered to be normal right to ask, what will be the work, what are the duties. Although there are many tricks that can help you juggle this information. When it turns out that money is not paid in a month, and as a result of the work that is not in an hour and the day that the holidays are not paid, that there are no guarantees. So, if you are sitting in the head at least chervyachok little doubt about the fact that other people might have in mind is another, direct questions to clarify protect.
Let interested people!
The second signal system, that is, the language is largely accelerated the perception of information. But at the same time, she divorced from human reality. Language - it is much faster but less accurate.
Therefore, in addition to direct questions "head", there are other ways of gathering information. Indirect.
There is a nonverbal way, dumb, easy to monitor the reaction. In the information field is marked, that the good and bad. And that means that we are always subconsciously react to any information that we receive. We can take it does not matter at this point, but we still react to it: wrinkle, frown, smile, zamolkaem. There is, for example, a way to find out the preferences for the good and bad gifts. We should try to talk with the man who gave that, and watch his reaction. And it should not be a massive attack of the whole evening - it is akin to directly ask. And so now you need time to tell: "imagine, but my sister gave food processors". If the interviewee ahnet: "Yes that you! What is the charm, but what brand? ", Then guessed. And if, conversely, skrivitsya: "How absurd!", Then even the emotions can be understood, that he could not tolerate the business gifts. All the same person any information to apply to yourself: would have been glad he had such a gift or not.
Let's just watch the people and show genuine interest in their world map. People constantly give tons of information about yourself. One, my colleague just mlela from a combination of "yellow" and "all". She was surrounded by these things and the little thing, every time a new subject nahvalivaya chant: "You see what it yellow!" I wonder how much one has to be submerged in itself, to give it a metallic triangular candlestick, and wonder why it has not pleased? Much can be found by asking simple questions. For example, about some little thing that a person in the office. He could say: "Yes, behold, they brought from Greece, although I am not at all a fan of trinkets. But the good man brought - even worth ". Or is it: "It is such a precious thing, so I was looking for her and now she reminds me of summer and the sea".
There is another way to gather information without issues - indirectly. In this case, it is important to draw people into the discussion to the debate, encouraging voice. And the way you continue to monitor its response. It shows all the time, that brings us to the perception of his inner world, which puts off. At that he turned, smiling, served slightly forward and begins to beckon with vigor, but something, nodding distractedly, obviously pass off, but on something shows apparent irritation frown. And what he agrees or disagrees, we can write down in its internal archive.
I recently had a lot of training to employees of banks. And one of the most frequently asked question is: "What we understand in what terms to offer the customer our products?" Yes It is very easy! Use all means running, say, for a typology of all, trying to diversify the description, and something he is sure sreagiruet: zakivaet and zaulybaetsya. That's the correct list! Then follow the same direction. Just get out of their own Mirka, priglyadites and listen to the customer! Genuinely interested in them, and it paid off. Because everyone always subconsciously listens constantly working next to him "radio" and can adjust its frequency. That is, in general Gule it can hear only what interested him, or that its concerns. As you can see it immediately when he got on their frequency, including: the view is focused, his eyes light up, he starts to answer, respond. Because we have inside is a "program", which protects us from the unnecessary information. Outwardly, this means that a person goes to, hovers in the clouds, that is, he is not here. Because most of the information is not the case, it does not sound at its frequency, not on his tongue.
I remember very well how it happened with me in England, where I came as students. In the early days I had a terrible culture shock, because they all spoke in English. Then we descended into the subway. Naturally, all this is about the English merged for me in a promiscuous background, until the pure Russian obscene language before us is told: "Yes what? At that time arrive at this station! Where is there a transition to another branch? "
And there in the subway, by the way, there is no transition. The man tried to map their internal reality, which included a Moscow subway ride in London. In London, the subway is organized on the basis of our EMUs: the locomotive is written, to which station it should be. But we just drew it home, it automatically drew our attention to the general background.
"The chief does not like this"
Indirect ways of gathering information is needed if you want to build a good relationship with the leader. It is important you understand how to become a member of the team. If you are in free ways, you can ask why the sacked some of your colleague. Chief, explaining it, tell you a lot of interesting things about their assessments of the staff. Or conversely, can be mentioned with him about the progress colleagues from another company. For example, as he skillfully conducted an advertising campaign a new product, after which it increased and the material encouraged. If you can drag the chief to the debate, you get his opinion. For example, about the fact that he personally does not like "stars", relying on inspiration, but uncontrolled, and therefore considers the success of the campaign at random, and that he personally prefers the collective work, thought the details and the predictability of outcome.
And information about the values and criteria are not useful to find out when you have already worked in the company for several years, but before you just want to get it to work. One way to diagnose corporate culture - to ask to tell the company a better competitor. Very often, rugaya rivals and opposing themselves, people "issue" information about yourself.
If we start with all the information we received from the Chief on that is good and what is bad, play through and on the box, every day will not live in vain. For example, you'll see that every day he crumple when a person comes to 10 minutes later. He did not tell you, because in this company are not adopted a time-management, but you can see that he does not like. Or nachalnitsa can go crazy every time when a violet hair, although the dress code, the company no. Many long-established organizations are unwritten code under the title "The chief does not like this". One does not love, when the employee takes leave entirely (although it is certainly consistent with the Labor Code). Another annoying young guys with earrings in the ear. The third can not tolerate when the work or the result of children enjoyed a private conversation on the phone. The same applies to the competencies. Each time, giving the job, the chief divided scintilla of information from its internal map. Your task - to notice them, to collect and sort by location, not asking any questions.
Thus, in the end you have to accumulate a very solid card. Main: not listening to himself and others to watch and even a little interested in people rather than their own ideas about them. In one company has a new manager to work with clients. It was such a sweet girl, kudryavenkaya, smiling. It worked very well, it was a great experience, but relevant to a lightly aroused. Until it does not change the car. Initially, she went to the "nine", and then worked on his first foreign cars. And it all began to advise small "fordiki Qaa", "pezhoshechki 206", "nissanchiki micro", these pretty women's cars, which are very similar to it were. But when she bought a black, tinted, aggressive, great "Honda-Accord", those who are at least a little bit watching the reality has changed its attitude. Because then display and other indications that within the curly girl sitting tight, not knowing the guy sentimentality. And in the fragile-looking and gentle voice she had strong leadership potential. Over time, it all "constructed" and became head of the department. And those who, based on indirect signs, it is anticipated in advance, it was easier to communicate with it than those who continued to treat it as a nice schenochku. But no one wants to collect information. Everyone is much easier to vyvalit. Its too much and want to quickly go somewhere to sell it. And if after this approval, you peresprosili: "So much for all-all-all?" - This means you have great progress in the field of information and your bare hands did not take.
Exploration instead of fighting
Gather a collection of other people's cards - madly interesting. After all, no map is a map. You can kill a lot of time with the foam at the mouth scandals, what is right and what is not, but can be a lot of time and emotions to save, understanding: what is right for one is not necessarily right for another.
Therefore, first we will gather customer information, and then for him and he asked to select a product, a decision that he needs. You can not come with ready-made solutions: I know that you need! First, with wide open eyes to gather information about its system of representations on his card.
Business took a feature called "Marketing" - exploration. But the marketing information approach - this is approach to life, if we mean not the formation of the market, namely the exploration, collection of information. Let me as a coach are asked to: conduct a training team to us! We can agree to immediately and say: "Oh, I just know a great course!" Then it turns out that this is not what you want company. Therefore, we have a lot of time to collect information on what the customer actually needs. And there is one of many information "obstruction". Imagine a huge funnel, from which information on driblets drip. And people often asked one, having in mind very different. He gives us the last drop of about the training team. And we are clearing the entire "obstruction", is brought into this whole bunch. Inquire what are the objectives, what causes that led to what effect he wants to achieve, what resources need to connect a PR message in all this should be a motivation for people. The result may be that companies need not team, but let's training delegation of authority. If we start sostraivat our two cards, you will get a more precise answer. As a result, reduce to zero emotional fluctuations, and reduce the results.
Therefore, it is now shifting from selling products to a consultative sales. Even at the level of toothbrushes: this for the teeth, it is for others, shampoos - for hair, for этаких, and not just - "buy our shampoo, because it is most of all the shampoo and washes all the better".
Why ask and define the concepts? Because the same information can be presented quite differently. Recently, I have one friend told her, as advocated in the "round table". In response, he became wildly nicker and said: "Yes, I can imagine the sight!" Because man had quite a different environment, and for him the notion of "round table" - and meant in a literal sense, a round table. Guilelessly We believe that a world in which we live, it is self-evident, common to all. We even did not come to mind that someone may be other points of reference, and other representations, and other values. Lunch for $ 100 for one "for only $ 100" for the other - "entire $ 100". It's coming! - Said a man who regularly travels by car to the city, and for which the "100 miles - not hook". The man who more Butovo have not left the same distance may seem far away madly.
And if we assume the internal assumptions that people do not know what we are talking about, it is not a paradox, we have a better chance to negotiate.
The talks are very important to understand this thing: people are not obliged to read your thoughts. Yes they can not, in fact. Therefore, negotiating, we will make demands to their own information. How can I extract it, how can I explain what I mean? If you want to extend the time in your favor and replace the confusing concepts. But if you want to agree to a specific outcome, you must clearly articulate its own terms. Otherwise it will turn out "go there I do not know where, bring it, I do not know that". Oh, do not bring it! Take the example of computers and any other devices. When you ask the computer "Find me the file!", He immediately asks: "What is it?" It will not be enough of an explanation: "I won ... he ... won, remember that I wrote yesterday? Hmmm ... forgot the name ... Well, that long! "He will need the exact address.
For some reason, when we are not dealing with a computer, but with people, we hope: he is smart, he will understand. And the "terrible", in this situation that really have people understand that captures on the fly, we want to say, and maintain our illusion of understanding with the half.
If the result is important, it is better to stay sickener, spend time, but make sure that you understood correctly. The talks have such a rule: let's agree on what we agree.
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