The problem of child-rearing worries me especially since it is in childhood, a skeleton of the individual, the basic behavioral patterns that are laid those plants, which in future is largely pre-human life scenario.
In this article I will try to identify and evaluate the modern principles of parenting, which is based on the psychological development of children. After this, I propose to consider the principles, the relevant correct, humanistic model of child-rearing.
So, today's parents found their child-rearing on the following principles:
1. The principle of parental authoritarianism.
Parents who adhere to that principle, constantly (by the way, often unconsciously) positions itself in relation to the child as being more powerful, knowing, powerful, experienced, intelligent and so forth. I would call it a trend of parents to sakralizatsii its image in the eyes of a child.
These parents often decide that a child should do, how to behave in life situations, at least until he lives with them. "
Sometimes this control extends to the fact that parents choose for the child to make friends there with a boy (girl) or not to make friends, whether at the Faculty of Engineering or the economic, work Papin us or somewhere else, clean the teeth in the morning or not, etc.
A special role in the total management of a child's life can sometimes play a regulation of the sexual life of children and adolescents.
It should be noted that any child, in principle, can not avoid parental authoritarianism in many everyday matters, but here I am speaking on parental authoritarianism as a key educational principle.
Usually, the manner of such command and overbearing parents. The usual tools of education are the bans, permits, rewards and sanctions. Why your child is something you can not, but something you can, as a rule, parents do not explain - not all. "
The style of education based on parental authoritarianism, is not conducive to development in the child's strong personality. What is total control over the life of the child, the smaller the child's tendency to independent choices and decisions, creative or professional initiative, responsibility and autonomy.
Child's mind, post-education, based on the principle of parental authoritarianism, clogged parental attitudes, restrictions and regulations, and internal creative energy zakreposchena.
Often, these children in the future develop neurotic tendencies. This is almost impossible for people to start their business or their own project.
In the future, they are unconsciously looking for those who would have to send them in, tell them how and what to do (that is, in fact, looking for someone who would have replaced them by their authoritarian parents). So sometimes a person becomes a supervisor, or may be, the wife or husband.
Another outcome of education in the authoritarian style will be the emergence of rebel rejects, eternal champion of their rights and liberty, of revolutionary. In the heart these people hate their parents, and despise them for the last restrict their freedom of childhood.
But this option is less available than the first - creating uncertainty and dependent person.
2. The principle of parental admiration.
The principle of parental worship is based on the upbringing of the child as a family idol. Parents shape the child too good about himself ( "You are with us and the brain! And handsome! And the best!") And, if necessary, successfully manipulate it. "Dimushka, very clever boy! Do as you asked my mother!" or "Оленька, you're always on my brain, hear what you say senior!"
These surround the child's parents giperopekoy, excessive care. They have very rarely abuse their children, but most importantly - fully protect them from the brunt of the work or the difficulties.
The experience of difficult situations in life, these children were also absent.
As you can imagine, under such conditions is easiest to carry out necessary parental suggestion: "Petenka we will learn from the Faculty of Law, he is very capable," "Petenka will not meet with the bad girl, yes Petenka?" As a result of the education the child grows fixated on himself, too selfish at the expense of others and, strangely enough, legkoupravlyaemym other, more clever people.
In fact, it is up to the end of his life will subconsciously seek to reproduce the conditions of his childhood, where he all loved, cherished, and not what is not denied.
To love someone is seriously interested or any matter seriously these people are incapable. Everything that surrounds them, must be subject to serving their own ego. They are like a constantly lyubuyutsya themselves, and only at the loops of their attention.
As you can see, the problem with these people begins, when life gives them severe test or when there is a need to make their own or create something significant. Here, and found that their energy is paralyzed.
Relations with others, these people can be friendly, but often they behave arrogantly pointed.
3. The principle of parental neglect.
Parents are guided by this principle of education, are child care sometimes reach neglect.
Most are young parents who have to bear "on zaletu. Because the basic human needs of parents still not satisfied in full (the need for professional growth, wealth, etc.) are not satisfied, then the parents are unable to focus enough attention on the child.
Usually, they give birth they are under pressure "more intelligent" Mom. More often these parents are people with serious psychological problems. Children of such parents tend to be "unexpected", "undesirable" and not very much necessary.
Children who live with their parents, are determined with difficulty in life, because they did not have a life guide. They do not understand where to go, what to do, what to seek.
If a child brought up in an authoritarian environment, may be at least some guidance in the form of an authoritarian parent, then these children do not in any way, which could start in life. Often parents are dead, they dislike.
No, these children are, of course, was originally trying to reach out to their parents in search of tenderness, love and attention, but natolknuvshis to emotional coldness or indifference, are closed in the end in itself.
After considering the three principles of parenting and the resulting style of education, let us again denote them briefly. So, how NOT to raise children?
1) An excessively authoritarian, not giving the child autonomy of action and freedom to make decisions.
2) A carefully, not letting your child have difficulties, and feel the consequences of their actions.
3) A run, not giving the child enough attention and love.
I want to emphasize that the educational impact, where only one shown to the principle of education, not so much extended. These principles are present simultaneously in the educational process, but some still dominates.
In contrast to these principles, I would like to propose three principles acceptable in my view, child-rearing. This principle of non-interference, the principle of unconditional acceptance and the principle of democracy. Let them.
1. The principle of non-interference.
It involves a very limited involvement of parents in the personal life of a child. Of course, this is not because of that it should not be fed or something to worry about it. Here is a view that in matters in which the child is able to exercise autonomy - it must be shown. And the sooner the better.
What do I mean? I mean, that parents should seek as soon as possible to make the child independent of them, both in material terms, and ideas, family, household, etc. But do not give all children free of charge, do not donate, and help to make , to get the most.
The task of the parents - encourage the child to an independent and fulfilling life, except that any pressure or interference in the life of a child with his hand, especially if requested to do so.
Parents should not impose on the child to any form of answers to questions about what he should do, with whom to interact, how and what to do. Even if, in their view, the child makes the obvious wrong choices.
It is his choice, which must be respected as an expression of self-expression, even erroneous. The earlier a child begins to professional, creative, intellectual or personal life, the better for him, as to the identity.
2. The principle of unconditional acceptance.
Assumes the child as an absolute value.
This approach is totally excluded, based on the conditional acceptance of a child, that is evaluating its criteria for bad - is good, right - wrong, intelligent - unintelligent, etc.
This concerns the general attitude towards the child, and any particular cases, specific actions and deeds the child. The child may make mistakes, make wrong decisions, bad wrap columns, матом swear, smoke - anything, however, the principle of unconditional acceptance dictates attitudes such as it is, without condemnation, criticism and moralizirovaniya.
Incidentally, the vast majority of those parents as a child was forbidden to drink or smoke, began to do so in adult life. Why? Because you need to learn by its own example, not by talking, and bans.
3. The principle of democracy.
He is the most important means by a democratic attitude towards the child.
This means that the child should be initially, from a young age, is not seen as weak, defenseless, dependent, weak creature, but rather - as the essence of an independent, fully capable responsible for decisions and actions.
This means that the views of the child should always be taken into account, rather than ignore, should treat him as an adult man, and not as inferior because of his age silly.
What if in a democratic country, two people do not agree with each other?
They try to respect others, try to convince him, adjust their behavior in light of his views. As a child, he should feel full and important member of the family.
This means that any of authoritarianism, compulsion, coercion should not be in any forms. Child considered desirable as a friend, an Assistant to the parents, not as parental property.
Again, he could be wrong. But if our friend is not human, raze, we are beginning to press on it, or manipulate them? It seems not. We respect his freedom and autonomy. If we are going to respect the freedom and autonomy of the child, the issue of a new civil society will be instantly deleted.
In the meantime, we Democrats just in words.
If a child feels at home equal among equals, he would feel the same and in society. After all, the family - this group of society, is not it? Do so, that attitude in your family were democratic with your child.
Do you know how it looks like specifically? Specifically, it looks like this: "Son (or daughter), let's discuss what you have now come to the walk?" instead of "that six homes, and do not be late!"
"Masha, you got in school three, I am concerned about your performance, what can I do in this regard? Maybe I should help you?" instead of "deuce again, you should be ashamed!"
You see? Democracy as democracy, and democracy need to learn, starting with yourself! That's when your opinion and your children will express freely, and most importantly - they will have it! And by the way, many of today's children have you heard their original views? No? I also do not have. So is it you want to promote!
Is so hard to raise a child? Yes and no. Someone seriously, as someone easily. All depends on the level of your internal culture and intellect. Solve the same in the end you, whom you want to grow - a strong personality or a little!
And finally - a small outline of the Code of democratic education of the child ":
1) I never insulted your child, do not call it a "fool," "lazy," "disobedient," "stupid," etc.
2) I will never replace your child on his bad mood, anger or aggression.
3) I will not to direct the child, does not make him do something through force (except for situations of life-threatening).
4) I never say to your child that it is something will not be able to, to something incapable, that is not for him.
5) I do not forbid your child, without first discussing it with them on their own.
6) I will never take any important decision in the family, not having discussed it with my child.
7) I will never do for the child what he can do himself, and will not help if he does not ask me.
8) I never try to remove the child from those life challenges that he must learn to overcome them.
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