The second style of emotional child - expectations. We all look forward to. And much of the time believe that our expectations quite reasonable. I think the biggest challenge to move to recognize this pattern of behavior. We are clinging to the expectations as stubborn mules, because on the other side of expectations, is loneliness. Release mode - it is a painful awakening. It means to wake up and open our eyes to the world, which is designed not just as we would like an emotional child. I have always covered their expectations of the denial of their existence. But as soon as I started to see them, it was amazing to me how my life has been painted expectations. I have expectations about how to treat people with me, how much and how they should love me, as it should be appreciated by my work as fast and responsibilities should be people that serve my desire, anticipate my feelings and moods . I have great expectations for that to be understood - and there are even waiting on the weather! When my expectations are not justified, I react. Sometimes I blame, sometimes belly sometimes pretend that I do not care. Usually, I become irritable. Often I do not even realize that I have been waiting until it turns out that they were not fulfilled. Then I catch your pucker, he did not know why. The reason is always the same. Something is wrong, as I want.
I never came to mind that all this is just a work of emotional child inside. As soon as I began to understand something in this deeply hidden parts of themselves and the state of consciousness, it is the picture clear. Naturally, the child within us is the expectations. It is his profound mechanism of survival. To get what he lacks, the child is able, only referring to the environment. Unfortunately, we usually do not realize that our actions are still managed by Children in a panic. Our expectations are driven by two fears. We are afraid that does not get the desired or in any way the pain test. In the almost unbearable horror, we automatically move outwards, trying to satisfy their essential needs. This behavior creates a problem in life, because the expectations are always running out endless frustration, rejection, loss of stability, low self-esteem and even self-destruction.
The expectations - but search for something from the outside, although it may be found only within. Our expectations - it is an attempt to fill in something outside the self-energy hole and kill the sense of inner emptiness. For example, in the expectation that other people have remained with us, we are trying to ease the fear of abandonment. In anticipation of the people that they respect our borders, we are trying to ease the fears of invasion. When we have something from someone forward, no matter how it was justified, we still do not see the person as it is. We expect or demand that this man was the way we want. In the state of mind baby, we are not able to allow others to be themselves. Because when the other fails to perform to our expectations, we have feelings that we are traitors and left. And we can not live with them. For each of the expectations is our wound or hole, but we rarely understand what they are or what they do there. When someone does not exercise our expectations, we do not care, because within the exposed wound of betrayal, invasion, or abandoned.
I have a friend who was in the past was not very responsible. The way in which it itself was not covered in my inner dictionary under the definition of "good friendship". I experienced all sorts of agony, because it has long awaited its reliability. I felt that these expectations are well founded. When my expectations were unfulfilled, I reacted to the whole range of emotions, from rage to hopelessness and despair. Experiencing frustration, I did not notice the deep internal wounds, it has provoked. Once my focus shifted inward, no longer be irresistible impulse to act automatically. I began to see and take the girlfriend what she was. Not out of despair, but of clarity. And from that clarity, I realized that I need to change the nature of our relationship, so as not to fall into the trap of expectations. My heart started again, and all the love that I felt it again potekla freely. Behavior that makes me feel more loyal to the past, no longer bother me, in fact, I began to find it more fun. And, quite surprisingly, the behavior of my friends had changed significantly.
One of the important expectations of the parties - the energy "righteous demands". You can articulate the words: "I deserve it! You are obliged to do it for me! "Sometimes we demand is clear and obvious. We just believe that another person or situation, we should one or the other, and feel the anger and fury, when not getting what we are waiting. For example, I have a friend who believes that people, especially the partner in romantic relationships should be next to him relaxed and centered. If they are not such, he feels the invasion and anxiety. If any of his relatives are in tension or anger, this person can not relax and is concerned. Despite many years of internal work, he still blames and complains of such moments. Our insistence deep and unconscious. We are annoying and can even come into a rage when things do not go on our way, though often not able to clearly express verbally that it was us having.
Another sign of demand - when we do something outstanding expectations, but are not aware of this. For example, we leave the range of things in disarray, as if thinking that someone remove them. Or force anybody to wait, because unconsciously want from others that they are always and completely at our disposal. Being in a state of rigor, we just did not act with sensitivity. After twenty years of work on myself I am still amazed own demanding, especially in small things, for example, that allow Amana always cooking. Or in big things, such as the expectation from people that they understood and appreciated by me. We have to dread the possibility of release control and just let people be and life as they are. In the state of mind Children we have permission from an injury to themselves and the deprivation of love. Therefore continue to require.
We grow, feeling empty inside, but imposed a habit to get through the necessary requirements. Now this creates a double agony. We experience the emotional hunger and desperation, but when you commit efforts and require the assistance of another, then things get even worse. And deep inside we do not like it when doing a demanding and reactive. Yet in a state of mind baby, we do not know any other way. Moreover, we are rarely aware of all the small ways in which perfectionism is expressed. This attitude (and all derived from the behavior), so deeply buried in the depths of our psyche, that even if someone points to it, we have no idea what he was (a) says.
When the demand side of the mind becomes an adult, we can feel very righteous in their expectations. "In the end - we are talking about - people should be fair and be with each other". "Of course, I want this man was just and good, but unless you do not?" Or: "This is how other people should behave, if you said that loves me. After all this, and love? "And so on. All our personal standards are supported and fed by demand and expectations. These standards have come from attempts to create an emotional child order and harmony. Life, such as it is, people like to eat. And it has nothing to do with any of our standards.
But our emotional child is not interested in these truths. Our expectations are deep. Some of them we are aware, the other covers the denial. I hid my own expectations for all kinds of spiritual ideas, pretending that I was outside the requirements or in whom do not need. But the intimate relations with a high efficiency expose us - sooner or later. Sami of not knowing, we come to respect fully their demands. It may take some time, that it was on the surface, but it always happens. For example, Antizavisimye expect from each other that it (a) it was sensitive and respectful (th) to their needs and feelings - and provided (a) the abundance of them "space". Associates expect from each other that it (a) was (a) is always near - and provided (a) the abundance of them "the love and attention". We can consider any area of our lives with others, such as sex, money, communication and culture of everyday life, and notice that they are all full of expectations that we might not be aware of.
Our expectations are accurately reflected the ways in which in the past we have experienced betrayal and invasion. We expect the people that they will not treat us so that provoke these wounds. I know that when someone addresses my wound, it acts on me like a red rag to a bull. For example, in childhood, I was entered in the form of boards and lenient custody, and I zelenel with rage when I felt that someone of my friends do the same. I expect from people that they do not behave with me in that way. Now that I see from where comes my anger, I am more able to release it without such a strong reaction, as in the past. Sometimes Yet I expect that with me so, no. This seems entirely justified. Perhaps, we think rightly expect us to be treated with sensitivity and respect. It is justified to wait for people to do that show. But they do not do it! Our expectations are just disappointing us, and bring the pain. They certainly will not change the other and not keep it to change behavior. When I saw the history of President Clinton and Monica Lewinsky, I could not resist the thought that America seems to be caught in a trap "legitimate expectations". "Our president must be honest. It should not be suspicious of sexual adventure. It should not lie under oath ", - and so on. When we hold the belief that our expectations lawful, and that people, whoever they are, they must conform, we can not go in depth. We can not see the person as it is. And we can not see and feel their wounds, which are provoked when the expectation is not executed. We just feel "right" and at the same time becoming a victim.
The study of expectations - a powerful method of detecting the wounds of betrayal and invasion. We attract situations that make precisely those ways in which these injuries occurred. The wounds appear in romantic relationships with children, with supervisors and friends. We feel frustrated and lost. Behind these feelings is unfulfilled expectation. For the expectation is wound. For example, I hate when I am forced to wait. I believe that people should come on time. This is my wound unrecognized . It makes me feel insignificant, and I landed right in the role of younger brother, who was "eternal second". If I pay a little bit of time for observation instead of the reaction, within a longer my space.
Rather than live in disappointment and frustration, I can go inside. I continue to be nasty and upset, but do not stop there. Typically, we live in demands, sense of justification and not moving beyond their reactions. We live in a state of mind of emotional child, unconsciously looking at the world through the eyes of the expectations and constantly razocharovyvayas when people or the world they do not perform. Reverse tracing of anger to the expectations of the expectations of making a wound in the lives of many new dimensions.
Sometimes we want something, but fear it does not get that look exactly the opposite. Like "depression" sitting on our expectations and constrains them. The surest way to prevent frustration or lost from the unmet expectations - this is simply to deny their own needs. I call it a "syndrome parking". When I was a kid, we lived for many years in Paris. Often, when we wanted a movie, the mother said that he did not go because the theater has not provided space for parking. If I managed to convince her, we are often abandoned on the first allocated parking, even if it was right at our house, because she said that we did not find a closer. Then we had a long walk or even ride the subway to get to the theater. When we arrived, it has consistently found that the parking is quite good. If we underestimate demand, may indeed seem that we have no expectations - but they are. I find their irritability as one of the best ways to smoke denied the expectations of their holes. For example, I become irritable when Haman is too busy, and she has no time for me. Often I am too proud to admit that waiting for time and attention on a regular basis. But I help knowing that it's just the emotional effects of my child
Useless to try to change the behaviors that come from the state of mind the child. According to my experience, such attempts are not only disappointing but also have nothing to do with the expansion of consciousness. Yet we can see the expectations of the evidence of consciousness and begin to notice that they are - automatic expressions of frightened Inner Child. A child awaits inside. That is, he (a) is always. This is a big part of emotional child. We can transform the expectations, noticing them, going deeper inside, and behind them, exploring the wound. Then the expectations are beginning to fall off by themselves, as we become more mature and gain the ability to see people and things such as eat, but not vtalkivat them to the requirements of a wounded child.
Exercises.
1. Study rigor.
Allow yourself to look to the internal energy of a sense that people, people, or life in general is something you need. Allow yourself to feel this energy in the body. Notice how this energy manifests itself in your life.
2. The study of expectations.
Consider your most important relationships. What you have in them the greatest expectations for another! For example:
I look forward to another has always been close and remained accessible.
I expect that others thought of me and listened to me. I expect that the other was sensitive to my boundaries, perhaps even without the fact that I had to talk about it.
I expect that others provide me financially.
I look forward to another for me with sensitivity.
I look forward to another is not controlled me and I have not manipulated for their own needs and desires.
I look forward to another was "energy", was not depressed or gruel.
I look forward to another is not waiting for my salvation. I expect that the other worked on them and did not deny the feelings.
I look forward to another was meditative and deliberate in how he (a) lives (life, caring for the body, etc.). I look forward to another show sensitivity and supported me in the creative and spiritual growth.
? The study of reactions and outstanding expectations.
Check their reactions to each of the outstanding expectations: Does it anger, demand, charge, retreat, hopelessness, denial or belittling the importance of this for you? When you move the account
with another on that popup? It is felt that waiting is not executed?
? Search unconscious expectations.
To learn more explore the unconscious expectations, look at different areas of their lives. What are your expectations with regard to sexuality, feelings, spirituality and growth, joint life, life, money and relationships? You can shed light on our own expectations in these areas, review recent case where someone has caused you in anger or frustration.
Key.
? Our expectations - this is a window into the deepest wounds. Every unfulfilled expectation is wound in the deprivation of some essential needs. When we are beginning to see the wounded child, we can go beyond the expectations and reactions to his disappointment, and come directly to the wound.
? Expectations are tantamount to suffering. Other people do not change to match our expectations. We are complaining, blame, demand, or sinking into hopelessness, but none of this changes nothing. The only result is that all this brings us much suffering. Why then, we continue to do so? Because, to renounce the expectation, we need to take my loneliness. When someone is not like we want, we remain alone. And it hurt - but not half so painful as to continue to hope that people will change.
? While waiting, we are in the consciousness of a child who wants to see people and life with its expectations. Expectations - This magical thinking of a wounded child. While waiting, we do not live now, at this moment.
We can not see another such as is, and clearly see who are our own.
? We can start to make a light and a sense of his life, just noticing how expectations appear in everyday life. Each time, noting the expectation that we can begin to ask ourselves, what it covers the wound. Cancel the focus from the other and move it on themselves - it is for us the only way home.
HYPNOSIS
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